Father of Internet Berners-Lee Arrested By Comrade Cameron

LONDON – England – Tim Berners-Lee, the Father of the Internet, has been arrested and detained by agents working for Comrade Cameron, after he dared speak out about the special surveillance Glavrepertkom.

Speaking from Red Trafalgar Square, Comrade Cameron spoke profoundly about the traitorous Tim Berners-Lee, who was incarcerated in a Northern Britain gulag just yesterday.

According to Politburo operatives, the former Internet Czar was removed from his Westminster microdistrict apartment last night at 3 am.

“Comrades, men of the Coalition Internet Goon Squad and Coalition Snoopers, social networking commanders, Facebook data collectors, and political instructors, working men and working women, collective farmers-men and women, workers in the intellectual professions, brothers and sisters in the rear of our enemy who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Internet Freedom brigands, and our valiant men and women guerrillas who are destroying the rear of the free internet invaders who dare espouse such monstrous ideologies as internet freedom!

“On behalf of the Soviet British EU Government and our Bolshevik Coalition Party I am greeting you and congratulating you on the detention of the pernicious traitor Tim Berners-Lee who will be detained in a gulag somewhere in Sector 101 for the next 75 years.

“The perfidious attack of the internet freedom brigands have created a threat to our country. We must uphold the tenets of surveillance for every citizen within our borders by increasing internet surveillance of all web traffic, increase CCTV surveillance cameras by three million and detain more internet freedom activists who are in fact terrorists to the Soviet Coalition. We will hunt those people down and either kill them one by one or detain them in gulags, where their spirit of freedom will be broken down daily with the use of hard labour, little food, and electric shock treatments every night.

“There were times when our country used to incorporate such alien tenets as democracy, internet freedom, very little governmental surveillance, and citizens could go about their business without fear and anguish. Remember those people who wanted freedom and democracy, because they are now marked as terrorists to our state.. And what happened? We routed the internet freedomites, recovered all our lost territory, and achieved victory over them.

“I have also asked all neighborhood Big Society agents to report any forms of internet freedom or free speech. You will be the eyes, and ears of each sector. Don’t forget, proles, that if your mother, father, or brothers and sisters know of any form of internet freedom or speech, please report your relatives or friends to your nearest listening zone. You will be rewarded greatly for your service to the Soviet Coalition.

“My five year plan is to increase surveillance to such a level that you won’t be able to take a shit in your turd bowl without it analysing what you ate the day before. I want to build a Big Society where democracy is an alien condition only prescribed to the clinically insane. We will re-educate anyone who thinks otherwise. Remember, comrades, we tell you what to think, what to do, how to do it, and how you must feel. State intervention is a priority, this is why if you disagree with what I say in anyway, you might hear your door being broken down in the night time as you sleep, and just like what happened to Tim Berners-Lee, you will be taken away to a special place and erased completely.

“Comrades, men of the Politburo and GCHQ, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerrillas, the whole world is looking to you as the force capable of destroying the plundering hordes of Internet Freedom. This is your future so embrace it dearest comrades, commissars, and bolshevik heroes. The war you are waging is a war against liberation, freedom, justice and the right to free speech. We will crush our enemies, as sure as comrade Nick Clegg is a snivelling ingrate pussy with a penchant for crying at any given moment.”

After the speech, Red Trafalgar Square, erupted in rapturous applause and five internet freedom fighters were publicly hanged as an example to those assembled.

  • Burp

    What is the problem if you have nothing to hide? None, but the "catching terrorists" is a smokescreen for something more sinister, like spying on their fellow Brits. It's wide-open to abuse and misuse, and will no doubt be used for all the wrong reasons (like being forewarned of any unrest ie, the riots last summer, which I'm sure is still at the forefront of their motivation for wanting to do this but they are not coming clean about this.)

  • Eric

    Alan, this reaches far beyond the aspect of security. For instance, we are not searching for terrorists on Facebook, but you are willing to give up all of your privacy on Facebook so that we can catch terrorists?

    Also take into account that studies show this 'blanket security' to be less effective because targeted leads (better quality) are drowned out by the stacks of unimportant leads. Essentially its like sales, one wants to go after as specific of information and groups of people as possible to focus resources, in sales its to get a better ROI however in this case its to effectively catch more terrorists.

    In summary, an overly complicated and inefficient system based on sharing your Facebook data among 3rd party vendors and the Gov won't make you safer.

  • Alan, Teesdale

    If you have nothing to hide what is the problem of the government looking through your emails and phonecalls. I feel a lot safer if you ask me because I know the criminals and terrorists will be caught. I think they should have proposed this a long time a go.