17.7 C
London
Friday, December 5, 2025
secret satire society
HomeWorldNew Commissar Torsten Bell Assisting Comrade Reeves on Ruinous Budget

New Commissar Torsten Bell Assisting Comrade Reeves on Ruinous Budget

MANCHESTER - England - Comrades, we have a new up-and-coming rising star Marxist zealot - Commissar Torsten Bell.

ai

Comrades, we have a new rising star communist Marxist zealot who is ascending in the ranks of the Labour Party for the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. Commissar Torsten Bell is so committed to the British soviet cause that he sold his own grandmother to a Comrade Miliband Net Zero processing plant last week. She was liquidated and made into Net Zero Juice — that cool, refreshing drink.

We welcome commissar Bell to the high party ranks where expenses are unlimited, pensions are diamond plated and salaries are enormous.

Commissar Torsten Bell is now assigned to write the upcoming budget for the further ruination of the country. Even though Comrade Reeves has done a wonderful job of increasing Big State debt levels and the prices of everything are now rising at exponential hyperinflationary rates, she needed a real evil vindictive fucking Marxist class-warrior zealot to give her a helping hand.

By bringing in more taxes, ridiculous regulations, even more taxes, and more taxes, pensioners in the PRSB should all die off sooner than later. Good riddance. The Big State will then seize your properties, leaving your families with nothing. The same goes for the disgusting kulak farmers, they will be stripped of their land so that we can put in wind and solar farms that cannot function 94% of the time.

If you are a pensioner, homeowner, kulak farmer, business owner, or last of the wealthy class — we are coming for you, and we will not have mercy on you either.

The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain will not abide by any proletariat scum or bourgeoisie capitalist pigs owning assets or aspiring to be wealthy. By soviet decree, these concepts are abhorrent to our communist ideology.

PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF SOVIET BRITAIN ALERT ABOUT PENSIONERS

Comrades, as you already know, we hate pensioners in the Labour Party and are doing our best to ruin and kill as many of them as possible. If you see a pensioner in the street hobbling along, report them to your local stasi office so that they can be stripped of their wealth and pension immediately and subsequently liquidated. If you see a pensioner anywhere, it is your duty as a British soviet citizen to report their location to the stasi immediately, or you yourself with be gulagized. No, it is not quite like being Gitmoized, but it is worse. REMEMBER LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT.

French Navy: Pensioners Caught Trying to Flee Labour’s Britain in a Boat

  Do you value freedom?

  SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee. DUE TO THE NATURE OF OUR JUVENALIAN SATIRE WE CAN ONLY SURVIVE BY DONATIONS. PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING. THANK YOU.
ai

9 COMMENTS

  1. I hate this ar*e hole so much. We need a revolution in this country to string em up from lamp posts.

  2. Farage can do something but Liebour are going to put all their devious nastiness against him.

  3. Torsten Bell is a cvnt who needs to be put in prison immediately. He is the biggest threat along with Rachel Reeves to this country.

    Forget about ISIS or Al Qaeda or Putin.

  4. I seriously don’t think we are going to get through this. Many ppl are on the edge already. There’s another four years of this. I’ve never seen things so bad in my life 🙁

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ai

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!