Comrades, yes, we eat cabbage soup, cabbage pie, cabbage sandwiches and rotten turnips in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, but look what they eat in vile capitalist countries?
“In America, a place led by the capitalist vile pig, Donald J. Trump, they eat hamburgers and cheeseburgers and chlorinated chicken wings. In India, they eat curry and other such delights.
“We must improve our diet, so I made a deal with the imperialistic braggart Trump. We give him everything, and he throws us a few pennies. How’s that for a deal?
“And for India? They get to send thousands of their cheap workers here undercutting our own labour force, and they don’t have to pay taxes like our British soviet workers. Two-tier deals these are, and none of it benefits you, the everyday prole scum.
“Comrades, I can proudly announce that the US has tripled its tariffs on Soviet Britain, while the UK has more than halved its tariffs on them. This means the new deal including US tariff rates makes us £12.4 billion worse off.
“Instead of paying a rate of 3.4% we now pay 10%. Imports to the UK used to be charged at about 5.1%, but now the Americans can ship here for 1.8%.
“How’s that for a deal, huh? Am I good at making deals or what? Now excuse me while I bend over this table to get shafted.”
At that moment the sound of knee slapping, whooping, cackling and cheering could be heard from across the Atlantic.
INGSOC NOTICE 900-87200-EU REGULATION E-E093373899285-71284981
JANICE BUCKET, 7, OF 23 MICHAEL FOOT ROAD, DAGENHAM, SECTOR 14, ENGLAND, HAS BEEN AWARDED TWO ROTTEN CABBAGES, A MOULDY TURNIP, AND AN EXTRA 0.02 GRAMS OF CHOCOLATE RATIONS FOR REPORTING HER ENTIRE PRIMARY SCHOOL CLASS OF 78 PUPILS FOR CHEERING ON THE PARTISAN LEADER FARAGE. THE CRIMINALS WERE LIQUIDATED THIS MORNING AT SCUNTHORPE PROCESSING PLANT J-32. THEY ARE NOW NET ZERO. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!
