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Preparing For War: China Thanks Western Nations For Funding Military

BEIJING - China - Xi Jinping, the supreme Chinese communist leader, has praised the West for helping his nation prepare for war with the West.


Supreme Chinese communist leader, Xi Jinping today thanked the West for not only funding its rise to military power but for the military secrets easily stolen to advance its weapons capabilities.

“Comrades, today I want to thank all the Western countries who have helped China build up its military, so we can eventually attack and destroy you. It is thanks to your populations who buy our cheaply made, easily breakable goods that the People’s Liberation Army will liberate you from life and take all your land. It is thanks to the lax Western intelligence services and lax visa rules that our agents have been able to steal all your military secrets without even a sniff of outrage. It is with particular thanks to the agents and traitors within your own nations like BLM, ANTIFA, Metoo, that we could destabilise your own societies by using useful idiots to do the job. The greedy Western corporations who used our communist slave labour to produce products to sell to your populations also enriched our coffers. Special thanks must go to Bezos and our own henchman Zuckerberg, who can also speak good Mandarin. The American Democrat Party led by that flapping useless corrupt idiot, who does as we tell him, or we release more info about him and his son’s corrupt business dealings with our agents. Yes, he calls himself The Big Guy, we call him a useful treacherous idiot. Thank you. Next time I am in Delaware I will bring you a nice Chinese toaster which will break down after three days. I must also mention the wonderful European Union who have helped us all the way with their support. As fellow communists and Maoists, the EU has been instrumental in China’s growth, and we have supported the growth of their burgeoning soviet bloc as well. It is only a shame that China will also destroy Europe but, hey, don’t take this personal. It’s just business. As for Hollywood, where would all your silly superhero movies be without Chinese funding? Thanks to the blockbuster success of numerous Chinese funded Hollywood films, our military has even been able to refurnish and modernise our entire navy. When we invade Taiwan, we have ordered Biden to take it slow, to at least make it look like he is not under our complete control. From there, it will be hit-and-miss, but certainly our armies and people will soon be occupying your cities. Look at it this way, there are 2.6 billion Chinese people, and we are running out of space, plus we have polluted our land irreparably. This is why we will rebuild China once again, but over the skeletons of you and your children. Long live China, the great communist global power — all thanks to you.”

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