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HomeWorldMcLaren NHS Ventilators Will Pump Oxygen at 350 MPH

McLaren NHS Ventilators Will Pump Oxygen at 350 MPH

WOKING - England - Supercar maker McLaren is one of a number of firms who have joined forces in a bid to massively increase the production of ventilators to help in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic.

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Testing for the new Grand Prix ventilators is going well in the McLaren workshop.

“This morning, we tested one of our ventilators on a dummy, no we’re not talking about Jeremy Clarkson, it was an actual dummy that we strapped a ventilator to. The oxygen was pumped at 350 MPH, zero to sixty in less than 2.3 seconds. You should have seen that fucking thing bloat, it exploded in shards wrecking our testing room,” project leader, Tony Vents revealed.


Government advisers on the scene have appealed for constraint, and that the speed of oxygen delivery was not much of an issue to the coronavirus patients.

“We’re not blowing up balloons here, or Formula One tyres for that matter. The ventilators just have to deliver a regular supply of oxygen in intervals that do not disrupt the human body.”

The Ventilator Challenge collective have received an order for 10,000 ventilators, a critical piece of equipment for the resource-strapped NHS.

McLaren said it would use the expertise and resources from all three of its businesses to aid with all aspects of production.

It is also manufacturing other key components such as equipment to test the efficacy of the new ventilators as well as trolleys to which to fix them in hospitals.

“Our trolleys travel at 250 MPH, and can accelerate from 0-60 in less than 1 second. We even adjusted the torque for cornering on hospital wards, and the braking system is fully ABS adjusted. Patients in the hospital will have these things flying through the fucking air to get to them and start pumping that much needed air,” Mr. Vents added.

That’s when the government NHS adviser rolled his eyes and slapped his forehead.

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