Thousands of Japanese people stripped down naked and gathered in an enclosed stadium to see who could spread the coronavirus the most.
“This is the stupendous moment I have always been waiting for, to not only have another Jap’s sweaty penis jammed between my buttocks but to contract and spread coronavirus COVID-19 all over Japan,” one squashed naked Japanese sushi worker yelped as the crowd moved forward.
10,000 men take part in the festivities, dressed only in simple white loincloths and tabi socks. This year was very special and the festival prize was changed at the last minute to accommodate the deadly new Chinese virus.
“Sweating, sneezing and touching other half-naked men to spread the coronavirus further is the real prize,” Shinjuku Mara, one of the priests present told Okayama news outlet, JOVI-66.8 FM.
The festivities don’t just end there. Whoever spreads coronavirus to as many festival revellers as possible will receive a swift kick in the gangoolies which is said to bring good luck to the receiver for the year.