17.7 C
London
Sunday, April 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldUnemployed NOTW Fake Sheikh Signs On For Jobseekers Allowance

Unemployed NOTW Fake Sheikh Signs On For Jobseekers Allowance

LONDON - England - The News of the World's infamous fake sheikh, Mazher Mahmood, is now unemployed and living in a council flat in Tower Hamlets with his twelve children and four wives court papers have revealed.

He was once the scourge of Swedish England football managers and spendthrift ex-Duchesses everywhere, but now the man responsible for thousands of soiled celebrity underpants is living a life of poverty in a two bed council flat in Tower Hamlets.

New Deal

“I was the fake sheikh. They used to wheel me around in a silver Roller. I only stayed at top hotels in Park Lane. Now look at me. I’m a man destroyed all because that arsehole Murdoch wanted to save the ginge minge witch Rebekah Wade. Well, I get my benefit payments on a Tuesday, by Wednesday my kids have used it all up. We’re thinking of going back to Saudi Arabia, at least there we can have a good shake at getting back up to speed. Might even get hired again as a fake sheikh for a tabloid there. I can’t do anything else you see, fake sheikh-ing is my business.”

The ex-Duchess of York who was caught in a sting trying to extort £500,000 from the fake sheikh last year was glad of his demise: “I’ve been avoiding sheikhs ever since that sting where I was filmed doing the dirty. Now it’s going to be back to business as usual. My bank balance just heaved a huge sigh of relief. Access to Andrew is now open folks, so for a cool half mill, you too could get to have a chat with him and he can arrange some special business dealings with you. I’ve just gone on another massive spending spree at the mere thought of it.”

Business As Usual

As the Murdochs now plan to extend the Sun to a seven day week, the 168-year-old News of the World will be a distant memory and the BSkyB deal should be back in play.

You never know, the fake shiekh might even find his way to the Sun. Looks like nothing will change, just the name of the paper.

“We’ll be using the same offices, the same people, the same corrupt cops, and the same underhand tactics as before. It’s just that this time we’ll be extra careful in not getting caught,” Rebekah Brooks told her reporters at a News International committee meeting and memo yesterday.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »