Speaking from his winter dacha in Grimley, Comrade Brown addressed the people with this urgent message:
“Comrades, proletariat scum, Stasi X Factor chart officials, Politburo Media Controllers, there has been a terrible mistake with the Soviet X Factor controlled charts. When there should be only Soviet approved banal talentless X Factor acts on all 40 positions of the Soviet X Factor karaoke chart, there has been an intruder into the fray. Yes, Rage Against the Machine! This is a vile threat to our good Soviet music which is piped through to you at all hours of the day in your eco-hovels. It is a threat to you because it speaks of Free Thought, Individualism and Un-Soviet beliefs. We must crush all thought and music that is NOT solely controlled by Commissar Cowell. We must crush all that advocate Freedom and Liberty. You will buy the album, the merchandise and the t-shirt. You will watch at every opportunity the plastic soulless faceless talentless c*nt factory that is X Factor. You will obey all orders at all times and buy more of this bromidic vapid X Factor effluent that is daily discharged from Commissar Cowell and presented to the masses to be consumed on a silver platter for his profit. “
After the state broadcast, Comrade Brown ordered Stasi X Factor officials to monitor all proletariat dwellings and to arrest anyone who listens to anything other than approved Soviet X Factor music.
In other news, commendations were given to Julie Everington, 10, from Sector 37B who reported her brother, 12, for listening to Rage Against the Machine last night. Her brother was detained under the Offensive Un-Soviet Music Act 2009 and sent to a re-education camp in Sector 13 for the next 42 years. She received three months worth of sugar rations and an X Factor box set.
We must remind all Soviet British people to observe the X Factor rules and to remember this very important axiom engineered by the abhorrent hack, Commissar Cowell: “If you feed the British people with enough sh*t every day of their pitifully brainwashed lives, they will eventually come to accept it and enjoy it”.