‘Jihad Land’ Comes to Baghdad with Multi-Million Pound Entertainment Park

BAGHDAD - Iraq - American entrepreneur, Llewellyn Mengele, is facing obstacles most amusement park developers never have to deal with. Such as IEDs, mortars, suicide attacks and genocidal maniacal American mercenaries and soldiers shooting everything that moves.

When the amusement park you’re building lies in downtown Baghdad, you know that you’re going to have one hell of a ride.

Mr Mengele, chairman of Zyklon-B, a Los Angeles-based holding company for private equity firms, is pouring millions of dollars into developing The Baghdad Jihad and Torture Entertainment Experience, a massive American-style amusement park that will feature a waterboarding park, torture chambers, a functioning dungeon, a Suicide Vest Center and a museum of American war atrocities and torture tools. He is a new breed of American pioneer in the new frontier land of Iraq. The park is being designed by the same firm that developed Disneyland.

“The people of Iraq need this kind of positive influence. It’s going to have a huge psychological impact and make us very very rich off their misery – in essence, we are simply doing to these people what we have been doing for many years – exploiting them for our gain,” Mr Mengele said.
The 50-acre swath of land, which sits adjacent to the heavily fortified Green Zone and encompasses Baghdad’s existing Torture Center and Abu Ghraib prison, was constructed after the American-led invasion in 2003. Before the invasion the area was previously used as a recreational park where children would play and Baghdadi residents would wile away their time amongst the lush grass and palm trees.

Iraqis will be sprinkled with Depleted Uranium as they enter the facility’s gates.

Lawrence Van Hoogenstraten, a South African mercenary who ran the Baghdad Towelhead Hunting Safari for rich Americans immediately after the invasion, has been hired to help.

Mr Mengele, who has been sold a 50-year lease on the site by the Mayor of Baghdad for an undisclosed sum, says the time is ripe for the torture facility. “I think people will embrace it. They’ll see it as an opportunity for the torture to carry on regardless if they’re Shia or Sunni. This will be a fun place to visit and see how America has taken over Iraq. We also plan on introducing a brothel and hardcore pornographic cinema as well as Las Vegas style gambling joints so Iraqis get a real flavour of the best of America. We already have all the major fast food restaurants signed up and ready to go, we just have to tear down a few more mosques to build them.”

Ali al-Dabbagh, a spokesman for the Iraqi Government, is equally optimistic: “The Americans have been very generous with their money yet again. Of course, we sold our people out without question. I have a villa near Lake Lugano and one on the banks of Lake Geneva. Our American friends are welcome to come here and shoot and rape our children. Just as long as they pay me large sums of money.” Mr al-Dabbagh added that entry to the park would be free for Iraqi families, but they should realise that some members of the family might never manage to leave the torture facility alive.

The project will cost $500 million to develop and will be managed by the CIA and MOSSAD. Under the terms of the lease, Mr Mengele will retain exclusive rights to torture facilities and brothel developments, which he says will be both “culturally sensitive” and enormously profitable — “I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t making money,” he said.

“I also have this wonderful sense that we’re doing the right thing — we’re not only going to torture thousands of Iraqis for free, but we’re going to make a profit too. The American nation really has left a wonderful legacy in Iraq which is now the 51st state.”

A $1 million waterboard park, the first phase of the development, will be opened in July. The project, wholly financed by Mr Mengele and the CIA, is meant to lure “the demographic of anyone who is not an American or oil representative of Halliburton.”

Parts for 200,000 waterboards and materials to build CIA sanctioned torture devices will be shipped from America to Iraq for assembly at state-owned factories.

Mr Mengele also plans to fly over American waterboarding experts to train more state sanctioned torturers. When the sport catches on Mr Mengele will start to sell the boards — which bear the slogan “American State Torture is Rad” in hot pink Arabic script — for cash.

The larger Jihad Land entertainment park, designed by Whip and Bleed Engineering Inc., will follow in phases, part of a broader strategy launched two years ago by the Iraqi Government and the US to attract private investment into the country’s 192 state-owned factories.


The factories were closed in 2003 by Paul Bremer, then the head of the Coalition Provisional Authority, who believed that private torture facilities away from the media would take their place. Instead, the American torture machine went public and wiped out the silent industry in one fell swoop.

But Mr Mengele whose company manages several hundred million dollars of equity, sees Iraq as a great opportunity. “Iraq to me is an open field. I have never in my life seen an opportunity with the potential that Iraq has with its skilled workforce and oil reserves. We are tearing down 200 mosques per day and building churches on top of them. I am also planning to integrate pork products to the Iraq diet and the Iraqi government have already accepted proposals to build Iraq’s first pig farm in Tikrit and maybe also in Sadr City. ”

He has begun partnerships with several Iraqi factories in the last year, investing tens of millions of dollars in joint ventures ranging from manufacturing rude toys for the new Iraqi industry near Basra to Churches in Kirkuk to production of Iraqi Viagra tablets made with “Mesopotamia dates”.

But the Baghdad Jihad and Torture Entertainment Experience could prove the most ambitious. General Petraeus is said to be a “big supporter” of the project, according to Mr Mengele.

“There are all sorts of investment opportunities all over Iraq. But it’s not just about looting their oil reserves for American consumption. Half the Iraqi population is under the age of fifteen. These kids really need something to do – and being exploited and tortured by us is their true calling,” Mr Mengele exclaims as he chews on his large Cuban cigar.