Urgent Announcement from Comrade Brown 10p Workers Reward

LONDON - England - Supreme unelected leader Gordon Brown has made an urgent address to the proletariat and party faithful about recent changes to the state economy.

The Chairman : I call upon our unelected leader Comrade Brown to speak.

(The plebiscite greet Comrade Brown’s appearance in the rostrum with a loud ovation lasting for several minutes. All those in the hall of the British Soviet Shakespeare Theatre rise and greet Comrade Brown. Continuous cries from the hall: “Long live great Brown, Hurrah!” “Hurrah for Comrade Brown, the creator of the Soviet Constitution, the most democratic in the world!” “Long live Comrade Brown, leader of the oppressed throughout the world, Hurrah!” )

Brown: Comrades, to tell you the truth, I had no intention of making a speech. But our respected Commissar for Re-Education, Ed Balls, dragged me to this meeting in his Bentley Arnage by sheer force, so to speak. “Make another one of your morose monotone speeches ,” he said. What shall I talk about, exactly what sort of speech? Everything that had to be said has already been said and said again. What can be added to these speeches? Ahah! And then comrades, the speech came to me out of the red mist of Brown-ism and flowed out of me effortlessly.

Comrades, the Vision of Change I have created is truly upon us now and forever will be implemented by me. Rest assured, this is the time comrades for us to embrace the New Era wherein all workers in the Great Soviet Britain will be rewarded for their hard work in bringing our state forward and above all others.

Effective immediately comrades, I have instructed our illustrious state legislator Comrade Darling to decrease state workers pay by reducing the 10p threshold of state tax. I am rewarding the proletariat for their continuing allegiance and hardship to the state. Now they have less to bring home to their families and will have to work longer hours for less pay to make ends meet. (Cries of approval and applause.)

I will be rewarding proles with further increases in fuel tax for their continued hard work in increasing state coffers. Our great state now receives 80 pence in every pound spent on fuel; with the new 2p increase I have proposed, this will give workers more opportunity to work longer hours in state factories and workhouses.

There will also be an increase in CCTV surveillance to deter and detect threats to our Soviet British Regime of Change. I therefore announce an increase in politburo cameras effective immediately. The 35% increase of the 245 million cameras already existing in the United Soviet Kingdom will give comrades and workers further security from themselves.

Comrades, I will also announce, effective from tomorrow, an increase in the sugar rations from one cube per month to two cubes. You see comrades, I reward those who support the Bolshevik Party well. (Loud and sustained cheers. A voice:”And we all follow Comrade Brown !”)