17.7 C
London
Sunday, June 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldPope: "We Need to Address Climate Change - Catholics Stop Breeding"

Pope: “We Need to Address Climate Change – Catholics Stop Breeding”

THE HOLY SEE - Italy - The planet is at breaking point because of overpopulation and Pope Francis has revealed a final solution to the matter.

The phrase Climate Change is another way of saying ‘overpopulation’, and this is why the pope is urging 1.4 billion Catholics worldwide to use contraception, as well as embrace abortion to reduce the population.

“If you’re going to do it, do it with condoms or the pill. We need less Catholics in this world creating climate change. The world is now one big rubbish tip stinking with soiled nappies in landfill sites,” Pope Francis told a press conference.

Catholics used to be forbidden from using any form of contraception, therefore the new ruling from the pope will certainly come as a relief to the climate change that is going on.

“We used to call it global warming but that didn’t work, so now we’re sticking with climate change. Both of those terms all mean one thing, too many humans breeding needlessly and causing the planet to lose its finite resources. According to our data, the earth needs to lose 90% of its human population to have a sustainable future. Good luck with that. Even if all the Catholics stopped breeding tomorrow, you’ve still got 1.6 billion Chinese breeding like rats and stinking up the atmosphere. Don’t forget, every Chinese person wants a top of the range SUV to drive around and pollute the thick air with. What with that and the Indians, it’s like one big puff of shit gas coming your way. Too many people on the planet, someone needs to sort out a quicker more permanent solution,” a climate change expert revealed in Washington D.C. on Friday.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »