Pope: “We Need to Address Climate Change – Catholics Stop Breeding”

THE HOLY SEE - Italy - The planet is at breaking point because of overpopulation and Pope Francis has revealed a final solution to the matter.

The phrase Climate Change is another way of saying ‘overpopulation’, and this is why the pope is urging 1.4 billion Catholics worldwide to use contraception, as well as embrace abortion to reduce the population.

“If you’re going to do it, do it with condoms or the pill. We need less Catholics in this world creating climate change. The world is now one big rubbish tip stinking with soiled nappies in landfill sites,” Pope Francis told a press conference.

Catholics used to be forbidden from using any form of contraception, therefore the new ruling from the pope will certainly come as a relief to the climate change that is going on.

“We used to call it global warming but that didn’t work, so now we’re sticking with climate change. Both of those terms all mean one thing, too many humans breeding needlessly and causing the planet to lose its finite resources. According to our data, the earth needs to lose 90% of its human population to have a sustainable future. Good luck with that. Even if all the Catholics stopped breeding tomorrow, you’ve still got 1.6 billion Chinese breeding like rats and stinking up the atmosphere. Don’t forget, every Chinese person wants a top of the range SUV to drive around and pollute the thick air with. What with that and the Indians, it’s like one big puff of shit gas coming your way. Too many people on the planet, someone needs to sort out a quicker more permanent solution,” a climate change expert revealed in Washington D.C. on Friday.