Preparations Nearly Complete For London Olympics

LONDON - England - The 2012 Olympic venue is nearly ready for the opening ceremony later on this month.

“We’ve got the anti-aircraft guns, missiles, tanks and snipers all ready. AWACS, attack helicopters, nuclear subs and approximately 300 regiments of SAS soldiers on standby, as well as the SBS, Marines and Paratroopers. We also have teams of secret MI6 and MI5 agents all over the place, listening devices, cameras and early warning systems. The games are going to be brilliant,” a 2012 Olympic official told the BBC.

The Olympic venues all have steel enforced concrete walls around the perimeter and guarded look out posts with 50 caliber machine gun turrets.

“The additional electric fencing around the moat, which will be filled with crocodiles shipped over from Africa, may add an extra deterrent to anyone who even thinks about lighting an e-cigarette,” Colonel Jensen Ingrams, in charge of 364 Battalion, stationed above the long jump pit, told Channel 4 news this morning.