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Ku Klux Klan to be Honoured at Obama Inauguration

by N. Ron Hubbub
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8
Ku Klux Klan to be Honoured at Obama Inauguration

Ever since the Ku Klux Klan endorsed Obama back in February 2008 during the election race, there has been a light shining down on his soul.

“We know how much the Klan has been a big part in Obama’s election and entrance into the White House. Do you think he could have done it without the KKK’s help? Hell no! Obama needed the Klan to get in and they helped him. It was the first step they ever took and they went for it. I’m so proud of those boys. They may be from down South and as thick as pig shit but they sure as hell know how to make people take notice. Obama wants to thank those boys and gals for everything they done for him, without them Obama would be a broken man like John McCain sitting in a darkened room slappin’ some mush into his mouth and moaning like a big baby,” John McCormack, a senior organiser for the Obama inauguration told Fox news yesterday.

Ku Klux Klan members from all over America will attend the ceremony on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol.

The no-expenses-spared Obama Inauguration will cost US taxpayers $230 million and will go down in history as one of the most extravagant wasteful ceremonial displays in a time of major national recession.

Klan leaders will be asked to join Obama in between musical acts including a banjo recital by famous Country star Ol’ Man Richardson from Kentucky.

“We wanted to bring a burning cross to the ceremony as a symbol of the Klan but the idea was canned purely for safety reasons. We all been staying at the Holiday Inn over here watching NASCAR and we now got all our boys here. We put a lot of work and money into getting the boy into the White House. He done us proud,” Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards said last night speaking from his DC hotel room.

America has certainly moved on. It was only 20 years ago when blacks were segragated from whites and lynchings were still rife in the deep South.

Tony Blair Visits Washington For Last Time

by N. Ron Hubbub
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2

President Bush tonight awarded America’s highest civilian honour to Tony Blair in a ceremony at the White House.

The outgoing President said Mr Blair was “a true friend of the United States”.

The former Prime Minister knelt in front of the President as the final reward for his service was bestowed upon him. “He will stand tall in history,” President Bush said. “And today the United States proudly honours its gallant friend Tony Blair. You may start sucking now Tony.”

The President, who will be replaced by Barack Obama in seven days time, appeared to wink at Mr Blair after the dirty deed was done.

President Bush said that they both had a lot in common and he “jokingly said that we both lied to the people and were responsible for millions of deaths worldwide as well as ruining our nations economies whilst lining our own pockets”.

President Bush said that when America faced the first great challenge of his Administration, Mr Blair was on hand to offer his assistance and some much needed relief.

“He was there for my moment of trial,” the President told a gathering of dignitaries and personal friends of Mr Blair. “I will miss you Tony.”

The equally nauseating idiot, John Howard, the former Australian Prime Minister, was also at the ceremony and even came prepared with his own pair of knee pads.

George Bush himself was later honoured with the presentation of an Iraqi shoe on a ribbon.

The Adventures of Prince Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs

by N. Ron Hubbub
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9
The Adventures of Prince Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs

The Labour initiative spearheaded by the Schools Minister, Ed Balls will expound the benefits of ethnic bio-diversity and cultural homogeneity within the British army by utilising Prince Harry as an example.

The Royal family commissioned the book as part of the government initiative and were persuaded to make the book as a recruiting aid for “ethnics” within the British army.

By Royal Appointment

“We commissioned the piece to show how the British army is a diverse ethnic friendly playground where pakis, wogs and chinks can all work side by side. We’ve even got a few dagos, frogs, wops, kikes, rag-heads, paddies and taffy sheep shaggers as well as scotch bastards, krauts and niggers,” Harry’s commanding officer and real father, Major James Hewitt told a news conference on Saturday.

 

In the new book, the friendly prince visits his army pals and shows his leadership skills by referring to a brown skinned recruit as his “little paki friend“. When he is greeted by a Chinese recruit he starts singing “ching chong ching chong” and goes around with his eyes closed mimicking a Chinese “slit eye”. As for black recruits they are referred to as “wogs or niggers” as is the tradition in the British army. But it’s okay because the prince refers to himself as the “lovable kraut” because of his German lineage.

“Prince Harry is rather affectionate towards ‘darkies’ because his mum was rather partial to sleeping with Pakistani surgeons and Egyptian film producers amongst many. It is only natural that he feels a certain tenderness towards ‘ethnics’. I mean growing up in a family with Prince Philip in it. Who wouldn’t?” Major Hewitt added.

The Adventures of Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs will be released on February 12th Published by Windsor Books.

The Privacy Concerns of Smart Cities

by N. Ron Hubbub
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0
The Privacy Concerns of Smart Cities

In a move that defied the warnings of its own watchdogs, the London Met Police deployed live facial recognition cameras in an East London shopping centre. Facial recognition technology is growing in popularity with law enforcement agencies around the world either trialling or using the new technology.

It’s part of a much larger shift towards smart cities, that is, cities that utilise mass data to become greener, more liveable, and safer. Ostensibly, at least. But as many critics have pointed out, any extra safety benefits that citizens receive courtesy of facial recognition cameras, for example, comes at a hefty cost, that of privacy and rights.

Indeed, many groups are calling live cameras a rights violation and calling for their removal. And facial recognition isn’t the only technology that may prove troubling in the cities of the future.

For a smart city to function as intended, it needs a huge amount of data. No aspect of city life is left behind. Knowledge of how long it takes you to find a car park, how much water you use in a day, how quickly you walk down a certain street, and even how much rubbish you throw away can be used to streamline a city’s infrastructure.

smart cities 2
Photo by Vladislav Murashko from Pexels

There is a very real potential for smart cities to make our urban lives better, but there are also significant drawbacks that are yet to be properly explored. We’ve seen how things can go wrong already. In Canada, a privacy expert working for the Toronto municipality’s Sidewalk Labs development quit, citing privacy concerns after she discovered third-parties may be able to access citizen data.

Examples such as this are indicative of what influential author and Harvard professor, Shoshana Zuboff dubbed surveillance capitalism, “an expropriation of critical human rights that is best understood as a coup from above.”

Digital privacy is under threat, and there are few things we can do to prevent being surveilled:

    • Use a VPN. Among the functions of VPNs is that they create private browsing networks and encrypt data transmissions, essential when connecting to free city WiFi, for instance.
    • Avoid areas where live facial cameras are in use and lobby your local government representatives to halt the spread of this technology.
    • Limit the data you share with tech giants such as Google and Apple. We’ve learnt the hard way that trading data for convenience isn’t wise in the long run.
    • Opt-out of digital tracking whenever possible, for example, don’t allow your browsing habits to become fodder for advertisers.

As our cities get smarter, they will need to know a lot about us. How we build the smart cities of tomorrow today will dictate our privacy and rights for years to come.

Oil Found in George W Bush’s Protected Pacific National Monument

by N. Ron Hubbub
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0
Oil Found in George W Bush’s Protected Pacific National Monument

The drilling has already started in the protected National George W Bush Pacific Ocean Center.

U.S. President George W. Bush designated nearly 200,000 square miles (518,000 sq km) of the Pacific ocean on Tuesday as a protected region, White House officials reported. By Wednesday things had changed when oil was struck.
“Dubya declared this area a national heritage zone only yesterday. Today we’re drilling for oil. We got tonnes of it here, even more than Iraq. The soon to be ex-president just could not help himself when he was told,”Al Frankenheimy of the Pacific Oil Drilling company based in San Diego told CNN.

Already the oil companies who have been ordered into the area by George W Bush have dug huge trenches into the coral reefs within the area and are dumping vast amounts of toxic waste into the water.

A spokesman for one of the companies was apologetic for the mess created but emphatically denied that any permanent damage would result with the toxic waste dispersed due to the drilling.

“Those fish will survive even though they are coated in toxic chemicals and oil. This is good for our country and that’s what counts. We have already extracted 20 tonnes of rock and are now drilling into the lower sediment area where the oil is held.”

Bush, who often draws ire from activists for his record on environmental issues, will declare three areas in the central Pacific “marine national oil expeditions,” spokeswoman Dana Burrito said.

“He’s polluted, murdered and killed the earths environment, people and animals. Why should he stop now?” Ms Burrito added shrugging her shoulders.

Israeli Property Developers Ready to Move Into Gaza

by N. Ron Hubbub
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14
Israeli Property Developers Ready to Move Into Gaza

Moshe Rabin, a property developer from Tel Aviv is licking his lips at the prospect of building more real-estate in Gaza. We meet him in a luxurious air conditioned office in the Herzliya district.

“Welcome my friend, welcome. We have many new penthouse apartments for you in Gaza. At the moment they are off-plan but we hope to start construction once we bulldoze away the bones and rotting carcasses of the Palestinian women and children. You will never know or realise that you are living on what was once the land of a disenfranchised people. Indeed you can say the same of much of what is Israel today, it used to belong to the untermensch and our wonderful bulldozers have simply erased them from the land completely. I know what you are thinking my friend, yes, you are thinking that we are no better than the Nazis who tried to erase us from the earth in WW2. Well, there is a profound difference my friend, they spoke German, we speak Hebrew. That’s the only difference though,” Mr Rabin, laughs hysterically as he rubs his hands incessantly eager to get down to business.

We pretend to be interested in the seafront Gaza properties and his eyes light up like beacons when we pronounce we might purchase more than one apartment.

Mr Rabin’s smile is however wiped off his face after we make our excuses and leave his luxurious office eager to get away from his carrion smile.

Real Estate opportunities in Gaza are a major issue for the Israeli government who see gold amongst the rubble and decapitated corpses of Gaza’s children.

The Israeli territories which have already been forcibly occupied are not enough for the developers anymore. With greed comes even more greed, and the developers have tasted money and are thirsting for more. The only problem is the Palestinian people who will have to be bombed out and murdered in cold blood.

“As media exercises go, we Israelis are supported by the West 110% even with our genocidal activities, but you do get the odd politician from a Western country who actually says something against Israel once in awhile. That politician usually loses their job immediately afterwards so it is not a good career move. The same also applies to journalists who dare not utter any words against the Israelis, lest they lose their jobs as well. Even bombing a UN controlled school and killing 45 women and children in Gaza is brushed under the carpet because Palestinians are not actually considered as humans, much like the Jews were not considered as humans during WW2. They are sub-human fodder, they are considered by us Zionist Nazis as only worthy of death and not worthy of life. This is why we will take even more of their lands and push them into the sea once and for all. We cannot tolerate their smell or even their presence from many miles away,” an Israeli Colonel for the IDF told CNN during a press conference.

Just like the concentration camps of Nazi occupied Poland in the second World War, there are many who choose to turn a blind eye to the plight of the Palestinian people who have suffered immensely for many years under the brutal Israeli regime. Auschwitz, Treblinka, Bełżec and Lublin were ignored by the populations living around them as well, it was as if these places were non existent even during their busiest moments. The similarity is astounding with Gaza, a cesspool of a ghetto lost under a sea of Israeli bulldozers and Panzers daily crushing the bones and rotting carcasses of dead Palestinians whilst all around is silence.

‘Middle East Peace Process Going Well’ Says Blair

by N. Ron Hubbub
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0
‘Middle East Peace Process Going Well’ Says Blair

Since leaving his post as British Prime Minister, the right honourable gentleman, Tony Blair has embarked on a mission from God to bring peace to the Middle East.

There is only one small detail that has not been addressed yet. The only ‘God’ Tony Blair recognises is green and comes bundled in brown bags and stuffed under mattresses.

“Tony charges a very reasonable £275,000 per hourly speech. He will discuss how he plans on bringing long lasting peace to the Middle East and solving the Palestinian issue with Israel. He can fly anywhere to give the speech and of course expects you to pick up the tab for the first class tickets, hotel and transport,” Mr Blair’s PA, Gloria Mulrooney told the Daily Squib.

To date, Mr Blair has amassed about £28 million from his speeches as well as £1 million from JP Morgan as a yearly starting salary, a book advance of £6 million and Zurich Financial Services consulting job totalling £2 million per annum. His properties in London’s Connaught Square and Buckinghamshire are valued at £15 million. His yearly pension of £125,000 is a mere drop in the ocean compared to his daily earning power.

During his appointment as Peace envoy to the Middle East, Mr Blair has been to the the region more than twice and his efforts to bring everlasting calm to the region have been very effective.

“The Middle East is at peace. Since Tony Blair came along everything is wonderful here. You can hear birds chirping in the trees, the sky is blue and everyone has a smile on their faces,” Yassir Mahmoud, a resident from Gaza attested from his pile of smouldering rubble.

Mr Blair also regularly emails officials in Gaza from the comfort of a private jet or his armchair in his London home and has been very vocal on the Middle East peace process.

“I was appointed for this role for a reason. To bring peace to the Israeli and Palestinian people. I feel I have achieved this role. It has not been easy simply because of the complexity of juggling all of my other money-making appointments and endorsements. My filo fax is full to the brim with speeches, bribes, endorsements, satanic money rituals and we mustn’t forget the luncheons. Nevertheless, one must realise that my appointment has indeed brought peace to the Middle East. Just look at Gaza, it is now equivalent to the French Riviera in the Middle East. Cherie and I are even considering buying a luxury penthouse there soon.”

Labour Ministers Admit to Using George Orwell’s 1984 as Instruction Manual

by N. Ron Hubbub
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1
Labour Ministers Admit to Using George Orwell’s 1984 as Instruction Manual

If George Orwell was alive today he would be demanding the Labour government pay him for infringement of copyright.

Numerous Labour ministers have now been caught espousing the book that brought Big Brother into the fore.

“Gordon Brown, Jacqui Smith, Ed Balls and many others in the cabinet, as well as the backbenchers all read George Orwell’s 1984 on a regular basis. The Labour hierarchy also conduct courses in Northern England under the utmost secrecy where they are instructed on how to act like the party official characters in 1984. In fact, the whole Labour system of government now mirrors Orwell’s nightmarish depiction of a totalitarian state gone wrong. The amount of brainwashing that is meted out to the masses is astounding. I am sure even Orwell would be truly astounded at the levels of spin and propaganda spouted by Labour,” Robert Carnarvon a prominent member of White’s club in St James told the Daily Squib. 

Labour has during its tenure perfected the ‘doublespeak’ technique as well as increased surveillance to such a level that ‘thoughtcrime’ is now regularly punished.

The amount of bureaucracy and surveillance during Gordon Brown’s reign has even surpassed the levels of Stalin’s Soviet Russia and Cold War era East Germany.

“As soon as anyone walks out of their door in today’s Britain they are filmed on average about 450 times during the course of their day by the millions of surveillance cameras put up by the Labour regime. You are also tracked on every communication whether it is computerised or telephoned. They even have microphones in public areas listening to conversations as well tracking every transaction anyone ever makes. Fingerprinting in schools is now being introduced as well as tracking vehicles with special GPS chips. Living in Labour’s grey Stasi nightmare Britain where you have to take out a second mortgage to buy a loaf of mouldy bread is equivalent to living in a prison.

“One can of course find comfort in the thought that the people have voted for this party twice and will vote for them again because the level of brainwashing amongst the masses is so high that they actually do not know anything else, they do not know what freedom is, there was never really any freedom in Britain anyway but what we have now is tantamount to a technique of total absorption of all thought by the plebiscite thus incorporated into a mass control system utilised by a government obsessed with lies, hypocrisy, cronyism, sleaze, surveillance, gross over taxation, waste, greed and control freakery,” Mr Carnarvon added.

A New Year’s Communique From Comrade Brown

by N. Ron Hubbub
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0
A New Year’s Communique From Comrade Brown

Comrade Gordon Brown took some time out from saving the world to address Soviet British citizens by utilising the wireless radio with a New Year’s message.

“Comrades, brave Bolshevik warriors, party members, workers and proles. I trust you have all had a wonderful Soviet festive season. I would like to thank the citizens who were forced into shops to buy more useless junk which was made in China. It was imperative that the workers spend their hard earned cash on useless trinkets instead of heating their hovels or eating gruel. The upper echelons of the party must thus be propped up by the proles and workers. It is your Soviet duty to attend the so-called sales and spend all your money on anything you can find so your governors can govern over you.

“Furthermore, comrades, I have successfully reduced the British Soviet economy to nothing more than a skeletal corpse where houses are worth a pittance, food is sold at extortionate prices, fuel and heating costs are increasing daily, the Soviet Health Service is now conducting surgical operations out in the streets and where the British pound is worth less than a Zimbabwe dollar. Comrades, do not worry about the symbol of capitalist waste, the British pound will soon be incorporated within our European Soviet system. I have ensured this will happen forthwith and thus without any further delay the symbols of democracy and capitalist greed shall not be tolerated anymore under my New Euro of Change.

“I have also mobilised the services of Comrade Obama who will bring forth the New Era unto the Americans who have been under the spell of the gluttonous capitalist pigs for too long.

“Our Soviet economy is safe for now comrades. The banking system is now owned by the state. We have also procurred trillions of pounds of Soviet aid that shall ensure every citizen in Soviet Britain will have to work for eleven and a half months in the year for the next hundred years to pay the increased taxes I shall introduce soon. Remember comrades, it is your duty to the state to work so that the upper echelons of the Labour party can have increased expense accounts, holiday dachas, shopping trips, aeroplane state visits, prostitutes, office and home refurbishments etc etc.

“2009 will be a year in which I shall introduce even more cameras, surveillance, taxes, gulags and more hidden taxes. Enjoy yourselves Soviet citizens, you can drink some more cheap vodka and revel in your cabbage soup because your lives are as worthless as they were last year.”

Comrade Brown, supreme unelected leader of the British Soviet state has been hailed as the greatest thing that has happened to our country since the invention of sliced cabbage.

In further news, a commendation must be made to Julie Partridge, 14, of Manchester for reporting her father Cyril, 45, for speaking against Comrade Brown. Mr Cyril Partridge was sentenced by local Stasi officers this morning and will spend the next forty two years in a re-education camp in sector 101.

Have a happy New Soviet Year – Order 3b6543

Katie Holmes Escape Attempt Fails Again

by N. Ron Hubbub
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0
Katie Holmes Escape Attempt Fails Again

This is now Katie’s third attempt in one week to escape from the dangerous Scatology cult who’s headquarters are situated in Los Angeles.

Eyewitness Dan Silvaro, a trucker who was driving past the heavily fortified compound retold the harrowing story: “I was driving past going through the intersection on North Beverly Drive when I saw this crazed woman scrambling out of a fifth floor window. She was shimmying down the side of the building and shouting for help. She was wearing a bizarre Santa outfit and her eyes were all crazy. Looks like she used some bed sheets she tied together or something. I stopped my truck and she got to the door but some people came and took her away. She was crying so bad it broke my heart. I actually held onto her but they got her.”

People were visibly shocked at witnessing such a display of bravado by the ailing actress.

To date, no one has been able to escape the Scatology cult which was formed over thirty years ago by a man who claimed that he was in touch with aliens that live in toilet bowls called Klingons and Dingleberries.

The Church of Scatology also has offices all over the world and is always expanding its faecal matter.

The actress, Katie Holmes who is married to famous actor Tom Cruise, has not been heard of for the past three days and many in Hollywood fear she is having to undergo re-education in Scatology Toilet Laws, an extreme Church of Scatology program that involves hourly colonics and enemas.

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