“I’m feeling an itch in my uterus, I gotta spawn more kids right now!” Octomom, Nadya Suleman, squeals as she squats on her kitchen table and strains her face whilst making grunting noises.
The world famous Octomom has been limbering up to shoot out more sprogs into the media ionosphere of cheap headlines and even cheaper photoshoots.
“This is an incredible moment, she already has 23 kids and she still wants more. She’s not even Catholic we understand but she’s still going to squirt out some more brats. I heard last night that she wants to go for the big ten. Yes, you read that right, the big ten babies all at the same time. They’ll be bursting through her mouth at this rate,” Johnson Arafat, a media commentator for the ABC news network said yesterday.
Miss Suleman has already planned for the new arrivals and set up some extra tents in her back garden with more latrine holes. The United Nations may also get involved by dropping food rations over the fence as well as basic medical supplies when needed.
“I can’t even afford to feed myself or the rest of my 23 kids but I still want to have more kids damn it! I’m appealing to all Americans to support me and send me a few dollars so I can have the strength to have more f*cking babies,” the Octomom said on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
Luckily for her, the staff in the Daily Squib office had a whip round and came up with enough money for the Octomom to get herself irreversibly sterilised.