During the prime
ministerial address last night from within the great leader’s Downing
Street chamber, all X-Factor programs on permanent loop on all TV
channels were momentarily interrupted so that Comrade Brown could
delineate the next Ten Year Plan for the British Soviet State after the
single party election takes place in May 2010.
“Comrades, to tell
you the truth, I had no intention
of making a speech. But our respected wife Magda Brown dragged me to
this televisual broadcast by sheer force, so to speak. “Make a good
speech,” she said.
What shall I talk about, exactly what sort of speech? Everything that
had to be said before my upcoming election has already been said and
said again
in the speeches of our leading comrades, Mandy, Straw, Millipede, Two
Jags and many other responsible comrades. What can be added to
these speeches?
(Loud and sustained cheers. A
voice:”And we all follow Comrade Brown whatever he says !”)
New World Era of Change
“Comrades, I remember now. Yes, the destruction of the old
systema created by the Royalist, conservatoid, capitalist Bullingdonite
greed-mongering factions! That obsolete system is soon to be completely
crushed under my great clunking fist of ultimate control-freakery and
command. I have vowed to erase the Pound Sterling from existence. To
completely integrate our small Soviet state within the greater Soviet EU
Marxist Fascistic conglomerate machine of absolute captivity.
“After our Labour party has
finished its task, there will be no such thing as ‘Britishness” or
“English” or even “Welsh”. There will be no United Kingdom, or the dregs
of a past Royal fiefdoms. No, Comrades, we will erase all that is
British, we will take away their sovereignty, and send it under the
great red EU flag which I hold in my hand. Be prepared Comrades for
another ten years, another fifty years, a millennia of Soviet rule that
shall be the new standard of ultimate rule.
“We are part of
Europe, yes Comrades, look upon our Marxist brothers and sisters and
embrace them. This is why it was imperative that the Pound Sterling had
to be destroyed. We will also make sure that the despicable Queen’s head
is wiped from the pound sterling and earth once and for all. Her and
her useless bloodsucking brood shall be consigned to the ditches of
Buckingham palace, which will be designated as the new Soviet People’s
Functional Building. All that has stood for Britain for hundreds of
years shall be wiped away by my fist in one single afternoon.
Equality in Mass Poverty
“I
see you smiling through your rotten proletariat teeth as you eat your broth rations, I see how you understand
that I have brought you great prosperity. Look at our factories and
manufacturing; our great Soviet exports, how I have lifted our workers
state to the heights of utter destruction and economic disaster. Drink
your putrid ale and lift your glasses Comrades, for we shall embrace the
Euro together. Look at our friends Greece, look at how well they are
doing, and so shall we, and so shall we. (Loud sustained applause as
Brown’s fist hits the table making a loud clunking noise.)
“Further, comrades, I would like to congratulate you on the
occasion
of the forthcoming national holiday, the day of the elections to the
Supreme Soviet of the Soviet Britain. (Loud applause.) The
forthcoming elections on May 6 are not merely elections, comrades, they
are
really a national holiday of our workers, our peasants and our
intelligentsia. (Loud applause.)
“Never in the history
of the
world have there been such really free and really democratic elections
— never! History knows no other example like it. (Applause.) The
point is not that our elections will be universal, equal, secret and
direct, although that fact in itself is of no great importance to you.
Let us count the votes and you shall have the leader that you deserve
–me, of course. (Loud cheers of “Hail, Comrade Brown !“) The point
is that our universal elections will be carried out as the freest
elections and the most democratic compared with elections in any other
country in the world — even Zimbabwe.”
Loud and sustained
applause and cheers.
All rise and turn towards the government box, to which
Comrade Brown proceeds from the platform. Voices: “Hurrah for the great
Brown !” “Hurrah for Comrade Brown!” “Long live Comrade Brown!”
“Long
live the first of the Leninists, candidate for the Soviet of the
EUnion, Comrade Brown! Hurrah!” )
