Britain’s Got Talent

LONDON - England - Simon Scowell, Piers Moron and some dozy bint pick a winner out of the talented Brits on display for turgid reality show Britain's Got Talent.

Simon Scowell, who is making another 100 million pounds from his latest ‘talent’ show ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, has chosen this year’s winner for Britain.

Also sitting on the panel is the disgraced ex-newspaper editor Piers Moron, who quit after a massive share scandal a few years back. Why he chooses to surface now from under his rock is a total mystery.

The medium he has chosen to re-appear in however is not surprising at all.

Over the past six weeks they have whittled down the finalists from 400,000 hopefuls and after coming this far the finalists truly deserve their accolade.

The stage is set and the raw talent on show is truly astounding.

TV bosses have been amazed at the huge popularity of the show and the ratings reflect this massive interest.

The talent show had many great talents, and we have outlined a few of the great acts that were on display.

Up first for the final night were the Bracknell crew who are a very talented bunch of burglars and thieves.

They show their prowess by stealing 30 watches from the studio audience and the finale of their presentation culminates in beating an old lady over the head with her umbrella and calling her a ‘slag’.

Bracknell crew third place

Second place goes to the Leeds crew who can drinkf Aldi wine by the gallon.

They manage to drink 25 cartons each and still are able to hot wire a Ford Cortina.

Their wondrous presentation ends with the crew projectile vomiting over the audience.

The audience laps it all up and cheers them off-stage to rapturous applause.

The Leeds crew and Aldi wine list second place

Finally, we come to the first prize winner and Scowell with his fellow judges applaud furiously at the spectacle.

It’s the Enfield ‘massive’, and they know their stuff. They are able to spot an Argos sovereign ring at twenty paces.

Enfield ‘massive’ and the winners of Britain’s Got Talent

Simon Scowell hides a large sovereign ring in Piers Moron’s trousers and tells Moron to hide in the lighting rafters above.

Kev and Lee spot the sovereign ring even though obscured by lighting equipment. It is as if they have a sixth sense.

This genius magic trick is applauded by all and Simon Scowell gives it a full thumbs up.

The Enfield crew who won £10.50 will now have the additional accolade of performing in front of the Queen at Buckingham Palace.

Britain sure has a lot of talented people this year and The Squib is very proud to be part of this great nation’s talent pool.