NHS Unveils New Fleet of Ambulances

LONDON - England - The cash-strapped National Health Service (NHS) today unveiled its latest solution.

With a health service that is buckling under the weight of serious underfunding, massive UK immigration and unfettered wasteful spending of the meagre cash it gets, is there any hope for the ailing sick patient called the NHS?

Labour Ministers have come up with a solution for the NHS which will revolutionise health care in Britain.

The new fleet of NHS ambulances will pick patients up and take them directly to the cemetery thus saving billions of pounds per annum.

“Why bother with MRSA filled hospitals and substandard underfunded wards where death roams day and night? This way, everyone’s a winner. More taxpayers billions can now be diverted to great causes like Northern Wreck and fruitless conflicts like Afghanistan and Iraq. Think about the amount of empty hospital beds that we will now have,” Health Minister, Alan Johnson told a Commons Select Committee this morning.

The one-stop solution for the new look NHS was hailed as a much needed boost for Labour in the Commons when Health Secretary Alan Johnson announced the overhaul after last year’s draft white paper.

“Now if you call for an ambulance and are in dire need of assistance we can be with you within five minutes from anywhere in the UK and have you six feet under in less than fifteen minutes saving thousands of pounds per patient in administrative costs, hospital staffing costs and maintenance.”

As of tomorrow the new NHS scheme will come into effect for the benefit of the whole UK.