Miley Cyrus Faces Long Recovery From ‘Extreme Allergic Reaction’ to Dignity and Talent

KANSAS - USA - Miley Cyrus could be in celebuturd sick bay for another ten years because of an "extreme allergic reaction" to any form of talent, creativity or dignity, her representative said Thursday.


Her illness interrupted her “Bangerz” tour when she was admitted to a Kansas City hospital Tuesday.

Cyrus, 21, tweeted to fans Thursday morning that she is “over the hospital, read a page of literature the other day” along with a photo of her lying in bed. She added: “can’t quit crying i do not have one morsel of talent in me. i dont think i can ever go back on stage i am a shameful excuse for artistry and creativity … i need to get sum dignity and read a book cuz im thick as shit at the mo.”

She canceled a show in Charlotte, North Carolina, last week because of what was reported to be a severe pang of sudden consciousness of her bland banal lowest common denominator demented shallow brainwashed self. Her bout of self realisation may have made her ill say doctors, because she may have had an inkling that her crass untalented show is merely a tool for music executives to get very rich.

“Miley Cyrus was suffering from a sudden fit of consciousness during her tour in N.C. a week ago. She was prescribed a course of classic literature which she has now suffered an extreme allergic reaction to,” the statement said. “This type of extreme reaction can last from five to ten years in these types of cases of extreme lack of intelligence and stupidity.

“She will remain hospitalized and is under a doctor’s care until we see some improvement in her condition and is asking for your compassion and privacy at this time even though she keeps tweeting every five minutes. Miley is devastated about her dulled moronic existence and her lack of basic intelligence, she asks that fans delete her awful banal croakings from their hard disks and ipods and hopefully she may make a recovery from extreme stupidity in about ten years time…if ever.”

  • Hector Bart

    There’s nothing wrong with miley cyrus it’s simply dumbed down “entertainment” for a dumbed down society.

  • Rita

    Miley has more talent and intelligence then anyone on this stupid rag…plus she’s filthy rich take that loosers!

  • JabbadaHun

    She’s got herpes of the brain. Must have been her tongue.

  • Zeroh Tollrants

    Dear Jesus, is this unfunny! Speaking of dearth of talent….

    • Pedantic duty

      Forget Jesus maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you would have consulted a dictionary before posting. Satire does not necessarily have to be ‘funny’.

      1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
      2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
      3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
      Origin: 1500–10; < Latin satira, variant of satura medley, perhaps feminine derivative of satur sated ( see saturate)

      • Zeroh Tollrants

        I’m American don’t know about those things stop trying to show me up!