Harry Buys Apache Attack Helicopter Now Parked at Montecito Mansion

MONTECITO - USA - Flush from the lucrative Netflix deal, Prince Harry, has acquired an AH-64 Apache attack helicopter.

prince harry apache helicopter glass of whisky
Prince Harry enjoys his fifth glass of whisky during pre-flight checks in his Apache Attack Helicopter - Bagram Airbase, Helmand Province, Afghanistan. 2014

Much to the chagrin of the Montecito neighbours of Meghan and Harry, the noise created by Prince Harry’s new acquisition, a second-hand AH-64 Apache, twin-turboshaft attack helicopter from the defeated Afghan campaign, is becoming quite bothersome.

Julio Gonzalez, 42, who owns a property close to the Sussex clan, has clearly had enough.

“He [Harry] opens the engines up at five in the morning, then flies around their big garden for sometimes one hour. The other day he was hovering over my bedroom window just after I had given our maid, Conchita, a good seeing to on the bed. I bet he saw everything, the dirty bastard, and if my wife hears about it, ay Dios mío, I am muerto! I should have seen the spotlight, but I was too busy.”

Prince Harry is supposedly an expert pilot of the Apache helicopter, and during his tour of Afghanistan dispatched thousands of Afghans.

One of his former co-pilots, Flight Lieutenant, Roger “Balls” Kinsky, spoke highly of Harry’s heroic Apache escapades.

“Crazy days man, we called Harry “Trigger”, because he would unload AGM-114s like they were going out of fashion. One day, we had some Marines pinned down in a village complex in Pishin Lora. The Commander just said, “Send Harry in”.  When he got there, he was drunk as a skunk, he took out the Muj and the entire squad of Marines, plus 351 civilians. Like, he was royalty, so the Commander just let that one go, it was written up as Mission Accomplished.”

The prince has obviously been given special dispensation to purchase and keep the Apache helicopter on his property by Californian legislators, but if he causes any damage or death, they may say something about the whole matter.

As for Meghan Markle, she is reported to be okay with the new purchase, and puts it all down to “boys and their toys” besides some of that Netflix cash had to go somewhere.