His Master’s Voice Alas Now Just an Autotuned Mess

LONDON - England - How many X Factor acts were gracing the shelves of HMV as it was consigned to the putrid faeces infested trench of the Music Biz dustbin yesterday?

Now that the music charts are just filled up with X-Factor Cowell acts, N-Dubz, SK4332, 342A and newest entries JH4310/2 you can rest assured that HMV going bankrupt is a minor occurrence.

“HMV was borne of the days when music was distributed by vinyl records. Today there’s no money or value in music because people can just download or stream it for free. This is why artists are not developed by record companies anymore and this is why you just have the likes of Simon Cowell dominating the whole industry with his shameful disgraceful exploitative crap,” an old record executive decried.

As the latest autotune template r’n’b song plays on the radio in your car as background music, just look at the boarded up HMV shop across the road and think to yourself — it’s a shit industry.