meghan markle benefits1

At a recent visit to a toilet roll factory with Prince Harry in Scunthorpe, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle mused about her new role within the Windsor royal family.

Asked by a reporter what it’s like for a newcomer within the royal family, Meghan replied:

“It’s a bit like being on welfare, or they call it benefits in the UK. You get free housing, and if you need anything done in the house they do it and pay the bill. I get free travel, free food, free booze and never have to work a day in my life ever again plus we get free safari trips, you know like troubled kids do in urban areas controlled by Labour councils, innit.”

Apart from never having to work a day in her life ever again, Meghan Markle does have to make some sort of public appearance once every two weeks.

“Yeah, like signing on, except we have to smile and pretend we like the people trying to speak to us whilst opening some shitty supermarket. The only thing is the royals don’t have to do some poxy course or the benefits officer stops the dole money, they mainly have a brief stint in the army to acquire a few medals which they never earned in real combat. That’s what Harry tells me.”