Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Darling, supreme unelected Soviet chancellor, announced the plans for even greater taxation of the proletariat.

“You will enjoy more taxation”

“Comrades, I have been ordered by our omnipresent unelected comrade in chief, Gordon Brown to increase taxation of the proles so that the New Era of Change can move into phase two of the collectivised Sovietization program and embrace Comrade Brown’s Ten Year Plan of slavery and poverty. To fund the great British Soviet banking system as well as the gravy train by senior members of the Labour party, the plebiscite will be required to work for 99.8% of the year as opposed to 97% last year. Taxation will increase to 99% of income as opposed to 98.9% and we have also seen fit to increase the cost of gruel rations by 97% next month. Fuel duty, as you may have already noticed, has risen by over 650% since Labour’s Bolshevik revolution in 1997. It is in our best interests that the proletariat increase their production levels drastically so that high ranking officials like me can increase our Grace and Soviet Favour third home allowances and claim for everything including the kitchen sink. That will be all for now. Hail the great supreme commander and father, Comrade Brown.”

“It is your duty to work hard so that your leaders can live in perfect luxury”

High party officials were ecstatic at the news that there would be an increase in taxation to pay for even more Soviet dirt.

“Comrades, I just relieved myself over a copy of “Collectivised Socialist Tractor Weekly”. Please cast your eyes over pages 42-43 — if you can pry the pages apart of course. You will see for yourselves, Comrade Jacqui Smith, head of Stasi operations, reclining over a tractor with her Soviet curtains displayed like well worn three week old Soviet doner kebabs. It is truly a wondrous site to behold,” Comrade Straw told some high ranking male members of the Duma during recess.

The British Soviet government has also been embarking on further measures to increase the wealth of high-ranking Labour members and bankers by quantitative easing methods.

The multi-tiered approach of increasing taxation of the masses, inflating food prices, increasing fuel duty and printing more money should ensure the people at the top will be able to afford as much dirt and bath plugs as they can possibly manage.

“You got to admit we fooled y’all huh? This was all a joke to see if everyone believed us about the ‘stimulus plan’. Our April Fool’s to you my friends and it fooled everyone. We’re all actually broke. No money. Nada. Stimulus plan? We can’t even rub two coins together. Trillion dollars? Yeah, maybe Zimbabwe dollars,” the president of the United States of America, Barack Obama told the worlds press whilst chuckling like a Pan troglodyte.

The world’s biggest April Fools joke was recorded in London at the 2009 G20 Summit by representatives of the Guinness Book of World Records.

The unelected British prime minister also added his two cents: “A trillion of nothing is a trillion more then a trillion of nothing and a load of zeroes adding up to nothing. You see where we are coming from? We will introduce a trillion of nothing into a trillion of nothing and this will make….nothing. But in a new way of course. It’s a new trillion of nothing as opposed to the old stimulus package of a trillion of nothing as well.”

Recording officer Norris McFartur, was on hand to record the event and proclaim the G20 event as the biggest mass worldwide April Fool’s joke of all time.

Global New Deal

“This event will fool billions of people worldwide into thinking there is any hope for them within the current system and hierarchy, when in fact nothing has actually changed at all. The greed will carry on and who do you think is going to pocket the $1 trillion package? Well you as the plebiscite are definitely not going to get a sniff of anything. In fact the joke is so immense that this makes Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme look like a squirt of p*ss from 10,000 f*cking feet. The joke is on the sheep and the G20 leaders have pulled off the biggest joke of all time,” Mr McFartur said.

The mass April Fool’s day G20 trickery also fooled the world’s press who actually attended press conferences on the day.

“Not only were the reporters and newspaper editors fooled but so were the protesters outside the event and in the city. This has been the biggest joke ever recorded and even exceeds that of George W Bush being made president,” Mr McFartur added.

The new April Fool’s G20 joke world record will be published in the Guinness Book of Records 2009 edition next week.