Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Darling, supreme unelected Soviet chancellor, announced the plans for even greater taxation of the proletariat.
“You will enjoy more taxation”
“Comrades, I have been ordered by our omnipresent unelected comrade in chief, Gordon Brown to increase taxation of the proles so that the New Era of Change can move into phase two of the collectivised Sovietization program and embrace Comrade Brown’s Ten Year Plan of slavery and poverty. To fund the great British Soviet banking system as well as the gravy train by senior members of the Labour party, the plebiscite will be required to work for 99.8% of the year as opposed to 97% last year. Taxation will increase to 99% of income as opposed to 98.9% and we have also seen fit to increase the cost of gruel rations by 97% next month. Fuel duty, as you may have already noticed, has risen by over 650% since Labour’s Bolshevik revolution in 1997. It is in our best interests that the proletariat increase their production levels drastically so that high ranking officials like me can increase our Grace and Soviet Favour third home allowances and claim for everything including the kitchen sink. That will be all for now. Hail the great supreme commander and father, Comrade Brown.”
“It is your duty to work hard so that your leaders can live in perfect luxury”
High party officials were ecstatic at the news that there would be an increase in taxation to pay for even more Soviet dirt.
“Comrades, I just relieved myself over a copy of “Collectivised Socialist Tractor Weekly”. Please cast your eyes over pages 42-43 — if you can pry the pages apart of course. You will see for yourselves, Comrade Jacqui Smith, head of Stasi operations, reclining over a tractor with her Soviet curtains displayed like well worn three week old Soviet doner kebabs. It is truly a wondrous site to behold,” Comrade Straw told some high ranking male members of the Duma during recess.
The British Soviet government has also been embarking on further measures to increase the wealth of high-ranking Labour members and bankers by quantitative easing methods.
The multi-tiered approach of increasing taxation of the masses, inflating food prices, increasing fuel duty and printing more money should ensure the people at the top will be able to afford as much dirt and bath plugs as they can possibly manage.