Madonna Prepares to Buy Malawi After Adoption Denial

LILONGWE - Malawi - Jilted adoptee, Madonna has vowed to buy the whole country of Malawi after a judge ruled her attempt at adopting a three year old girl illegal.

A judge faced down Madonna yesterday and rejected her petition to adopt four-year-old Mercy James.

Esme Chombo’s dramatic ruling was announced on the steps of
Lilongwe’s High Court in a rainstorm shortly before 11am local time

The law, she said in her ruling, stated that an
adoption could not be permitted to anyone who was not resident in
Malawi, noting that Madonna had jetted in just days prior to Monday’s

Madonna was not in court to hear the devastating ruling, though
her lawyer, Alan Chinchilla, did attend – but he left through a back
entrance after learning the news.

According to one source, Madonna screamed ‘Whaaaat! Do they know who I goddamn am? OK get my bankers on the line, we’re gonna buy this joint lock stock and barrel’ when he told her the judge’s decision.

Madonna was said to be absolutely furious after being denied her whim and she was so angry that she hurled her Chateau Smith Haut Lafitte 2000 at one of the Malawian servants attending her.

“If they want me to be a resident I’ll show them what residency means. I’ll buy this joint and there’s nothing you all can do about it. I’m gonna rename this place ‘Madonna Land’. No one ever says no to me..No one!” Madonna was heard yelling as her luxury private jet was seen shooting off back to New York.

Madonna’s private jet is decked out with every luxury

Negotiators for Madonna’s huge entourage have already put in an application to purchase the tiny country for an estimated $125 million, about 2 months worth of royalty earnings. Malawi’s president, Bingu Mutharika, has already accepted a conditional offer and is set to complete the deal next week. According to Malawian foreign office officials one of the conditions of the purchase is that Madonna doesn’t set foot in the country ever again after she adopts the little girl.

Madonna who has already renovated her luxurious eight story home in London’s Mayfair in preperation for the adoption has already built a special area for the girl with jungle motifs on the walls so she can feel at home.

“She did the same thing for baby Banda who she snatched from his parents a few years ago. She will go to any expense to make her captives feel at home. She’s a really good mum although a bit controlling I must say,” an ex nanny told CBS news.