“Americans are moaning about paying $5 per gallon when if they lived in the UK they would be paying $16 for a gallon. You try filling up your crappy Datsun and paying £85 to do so in England whilst the Americans fill their massive cars up for a fraction of the price,” a disgruntled British driver told the Times.

It’s the same all over the UK, petrol prices are so high now in some rural areas that people are simply opting to dump their cars and walk for miles. Petrol stations nationwide in the UK are now regularly charging over £7.60 per gallon for regular unleaded petrol, and of course this all translates to goods delivered to shops, where the cost of delivery is passed on to the already overstretched consumer.

“I haven’t paid those prices the Yanks are moaning about since 1983. What are the Yanks blubbing about? Cry me a f*cking river,” Alfie Noakes, 56, a baker from Yorkshire told the Sun.

Another British motorist said: “I would give my left arm to pay the same prices the Americans are paying. Now it costs £160 ($263) to fill my car up. I’ve just re-mortgaged my house so I could stay on the road for a few more months.”

“I’m sick of suffering with my terminal illness so I’m off to Florida to enjoy a few days of sun, sea and bullets,” Mavis Earhart, 67, from London, who has terminal cancer, told the BBC.

With the NHS only offering a slow lingering death and UK stabbings at an all time low, thousands of Brits are now flocking to Florida where getting shot is part of the charm of holidaying there.

The British tourists are an asset to the local economy where they come for a few days and spend their money before being mugged and shot at gunpoint in a ghetto.

“I’m here this year, but I’m not terminally ill. I got shot twice last week but luckily had my bulletproof vest on. We’ve still got another week here so might get shot in the leg or arm. Would be a good souvenir to take back to Blighty,” Roger Eakin, a plumber from North London told the Florida Daily.

The poor Florida ghettos are so bullet riddled that the police rarely venture into them and it’s only the British tourists who are going there.

“You can have multi-million dollar homes and a few yards away there could reside a ghetto where the poor disenfranchised black and Hispanic people are kept. This is the polarity of America, a land that espouses freedom and liberty for all, and yet has some of the worst racial problems and segregation in the world,” a local white Florida state councillor said before being shot to death last week in his car.

“My client is suing the tea party because the tea was too hot and when it spilled on his lap he got burnt real bad, especially on his genitals,” Ronald Eavesdrip, the attorney to the man who is suing the tea party said on Tuesday.

The tea party that went wrong is now splashed all over the U.S. media and the democrats are loving the tumult the tea spillage episode has created.

Al Pinto, a political commentator following the tea party movement said: “The multi-million dollar lawsuit filed on Monday is not a good sign for the tea party movement after the events a few months ago with Sarah Palin inciting violence and some kid in Arizona shooting a few folk up. This latest tea scalding affair is sure to muddy the waters of the Boston harbour even further.”

Tea party organisers have warned all their members that vigilance should be exercised when pouring their tea or to adopt cooler refreshments during the heated tea party sessions.

“We’re now informing our members not to drink tea at our tea parties. Maybe drink kool-aid, preferably without it being spiked with cyanide, or maybe iced tea, you know something in those lines. We’re now only accepting cold refreshing drinks at our events,” Jim Jones, a tea party organiser from Kentucky said.

“We are very happy to announce the in-statement of Gordon Brown as the new head of the IMF,” a senior director, Giancarlo Barbarossa, told the Washington Times.

Mr Brown flew out from his Scottish constituency of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath to go to Washington to attend the inaugural ceremony on Tuesday.

Speaking after the event he said: “I thank you all for having the confidence in my abilities and previous history as chancellor, as well as prime minister of Britain. I would like the opportunity to do the same to the world as I have done for Britain. In other words, bonkers Brown is back and you’re all fucked mateys. After I’ve finished with you’se lot, you’ll wish you were all deid, ya bas!”