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FA CUP Final: City of Liverpool Officially Twins With Moscow

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It was meant to be a pleasant FA Cup Final but instead there was a lot of nasty booing from Liverpool fans of Prince Willy and the British national anthem. There is a perfectly good explanation for all of the bitter booing nonsense and the Liverpool fans explained it very well after the game.

“Stop geggin’ in! We booed that posh gobshite coont Prince William and the national anthem because we have officially twinned with Moscow, Russia and hate England. It’s not only the treatment we perceive to have received about the Hillsborough disaster but also the way Liverpool has been treated with poor funding from the southern buggers. Eeyar I just nicked your fookin’ watch. G’wed what are you going to do about it? C’mon then you’se southern divvy!”

Calm down, calm down…

Another fan who was asked why he booed Prince William was equally aggressive.

“We’d rather side with Vladimir Putin than that sconner Boris Johnson. At least Putin does something even if it is killing innocent Ukrainians. He’s a do’er whereas Boris does nottin. Eeyar, I just stole your wallet whilst you were chocka you snide soft southern muppet. Ofta Asda to buy some bifters.”

The third Liverpool fan the reporter tried to interview responded with even more vitriol. According to the police report filed after the incident, the Liverpool fan kicked the reporter in the nads as soon as he asked the first question. He then stole the reporter’s shoes, socks, trousers and jacket before running off.

After the match ended, the news team returned to their van which had been stripped of all of its wheels, windows, steering wheel, camera equipment, radio and seats. It could have been a lot worse though, instead of being in Wembley this could have happened in Liverpool where the consequences would have been much more dire. Suffice to say they got off lightly.

Thou Dost Chipolata Too Much Peter Andre

News from the gutter these days travels as fast as the slurry and assorted shit from the fatberger filled sewers. This time around someone called Peter Andre, an obscure Greek relic from the world of cheesy gay pop in the 90s, has reared his ugly head? Which head, ah, the one that resembles a grizzled chipolata according to some chavvy wag slag.

Chip on his shoulder

Does size matter in the world of cheap z-list celebrity? According to Andre who is protesting way too much, his willy is not the size of a tiny chipolata from Aldi, but the size of a Sky remote control unit measuring approximately 9 inches in length. Who do we believe in this non-news worthy extravaganza of banal putrid detritus?

Maybe it’s a good thing that Putin will nuke Britain off the face of the fucking earth next week.

Choosing Cheap Kitchen Units to Give Your Home a Brand New Look While Staying Within Your Budget

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If you became bored of your current kitchen layout, you’ve probably thought about changing things up a little. It’s normal to do some renovation work here and there to freshen things up, and it can positively impact your psyche to be surrounded by a new design. There can be one major drawback, though: renovation costs. You’ve probably heard from friends who redecorated in the past that it cost them an arm and a leg to give their kitchen a new look. And while the results can be impressive, you may still be reasonably reluctant to break the bank on a new kitchen. If that’s the case, you’ll be happy to learn that you don’t have to fret about that. With a few simple tips, you can give your kitchen that much-desired makeover on a budget.

Choose prefabricated

Custom cabinets will fit perfectly in your kitchen. When you opt for a custom-made design, you get all the features you need. This complete personalisation means getting your dreams’ style and storage space. However, it also usually means that you have to pay much more. A customised kitchen can become very expensive, so it’s not the best plan if you want to save money. However, don’t think that this means settling on lacklustre, boring designs.

There are so many prefabricated options nowadays that you have a lot of variety to choose from, and you’re guaranteed to find something that fits both your tastes and your kitchen. You may have to look around for a little before settling on something, but that’s all part of the refurbishment experience. Shopping for the perfect unit, and choosing the style and colour you envisioned in your space, will only heighten your enthusiasm for seeing the results. It’s also essential that you don’t compromise on quality when choosing a product, which brings us to our next point.

Pick the right wood species

KITCHEN WOOD If you’re not knowledgeable about the know-how of furniture, you probably aren’t aware that there are different price points for different wood species. The high-end species include sandalwood, agarwood and the luxurious African blackwood. The affordable types at the other end of the spectrum include maple, poplar, alder, beech, and oak.

Choosing cheap kitchen units doesn’t mean you have to trade off on quality, and you can definitely get the best of both worlds. Solid wood is an accessible option, and you can even pick the painted variety to give it an extra fun factor. When you choose a trustworthy seller, you are sure to get a piece that’s both resilient and aesthetically pleasing. They are focused on their craftsmanship and will bring you the highest quality at an inexpensive price.

Get open shelving

OPEN SHELVINGOpen shelving is great. It makes for a design that feels airy, fresh and spacious, it brings added convenience as you no longer have to rummage through drawers to locate a particular utensil, and it also makes your kitchen look stylish. They are also great if you’ve been trying to keep your space neat and tidy. With everything on display, you’ll have an incentive to work harder to keep things clean. But perhaps the most significant advantage of open shelving is its budget-friendliness. The products themselves, as well as their installation costs, are generally cheaper.

Select the door styles

KITCHEN DOORDeciding on a style to choose for your doors can be incredibly challenging. There are many design options to have your pick from, such as the shaker, the inset, beadboard or thermofoil. If you want to save up your cash, you should choose cabinet faces with a more minimalistic style. Excessive decoration will raise the prices and may feel out of place or too flowery in your kitchen. You should pick flat slab or shaker-style cabinet faces if you want to stay within budget. They provide both utilitarian functions, are easy to clean, and their simple design means that they’ll never go out of style. Moreover, they’re likely to fit with items you already have in your kitchen and don’t want to remove, so the styling doesn’t clash.

When you decide on a design, examine how it fits the space in your kitchen. If it gives the optical impression that your kitchen is larger than it actually is, go for it. The colour scheme is essential as well. The colours that make a room look sizable are lighter shades of blue, green, grey and lavender. If you’re feeling particularly daring, you can go for ecru or even crisp white. Just keep in mind that they can be more demanding when it comes to cleaning and maintenance. The tiniest stain or scratch will show on them and throw off the entire look.

Avoid customisations

One of the easiest ways to make sure there are no additional costs to your kitchen is to avoid over-customising your pieces. It can be appealing to add something extra to the ready-made pieces you bought. But bringing new features means paying more. And you’re trying to avoid that. You should keep away from glass doors, matching end panels or crown moulding. It’ll give the whole ensemble a posher look, but for a price.

If you believe that customisations are something you definitely need, consider starting a DIY project. Painting kitchen cupboards is a relatively easy thing to do, and you don’t require the skills of an expert cabinetmaker. You can choose a distinctive colour scheme, like Benjamin Moore Lampblack for a touch of historic elegance, or a two-toned ensemble like dark brown and beige. Adding brass fixtures to the cabinets is another way to breathe new life into them. Once considered frumpy and passé, these attachments are now back in style, especially when added to a monochromatic ensemble.

When it comes to choosing a new kitchen, you’re likely to feel swamped by the range of options to choose from. But it’s not all that difficult. There are a few essential things to keep in mind when getting new cabinets, but there’s no need to worry. Once you’ve decided on a budget and an overall style, you’re only one step away from creating the kitchen you’ve always envisioned.

Scared For Security Harry and Meghan to Stay at Wormwood Scrubs During UK Visit

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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have decided upon a place to stay during their time in the UK for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, a report has claimed.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will be travelling from their 16-bathroom McMansion in California to hog the limelight from the monarch’s historic 70-year reign celebrations. Ovid Scoobie, spokesperson for Meghan, 40, and Harry, 37, said they were “excited about using the Queen’s Platinum celebrations to capitalise on their upcoming Netflix series” and maybe dish out some more dirt about the royals.

After confirming their return to the UK, speculation has been high about where the couple will stay during their visit.

prison cellThe source reveals the couple plan to stay at Wormwood Scrubs prison in a special cell due to “security issues”.

The outlet reported that “heightened security measures” are already being implemented ahead of their arrival because the couple are hated so much in Britain.

Prison warden, Malcolm Dozier, was keen to welcome the disgraced former royal prince and his actress wife.

“For their own security, we will put them in a cell for twenty-four hours a day and feed them the same foul prison food other prisoners receive. We just don’t have the budget to go out on a limb for these grifters. The Netflix film crew of 45 will also be housed in our prison. I have heard Markle is a parasitical grifting vermin, therefore she will appreciate the rats, cockroaches and assorted creatures lurking in the dark, cold, damp cells.”

The good thing is, Harry and Meghan will not have to pay a penny for their security. It will all be at Her Majesty’s Pleasure…

 

Is Crypto Really Crypto?

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You may have naively thought that crypto was the saviour of freedom; a break from the bankers, the regulators, the institutions of control, the people that hold you down with a big boot in your face. Wrong! Crypto isn’t what people promised it to be simply because if the S&P index crashes cryptocurrency follows. Where’s the freedom in that? Instead of crashing along with the institutions crypto should rise, not fucking follow the S&P and NASDAQ all the way to zero.

Crypto was hyped up to be digital gold, instead it’s a piece of lead. Bitcoin should be completely free from manipulation by governments, by any institution that tries to meddle with its price. Instead, recently we have seen Bitcoin attacked by the Biden administration and the price dropped drastically. This is not an independent coin free from manipulation, it is despised by the authorities and attacked on a daily basis.

Satoshi, wherever you are or whoever you are, is this the dream you had of a completely independent financial instrument? Please come out of your Sushi bar and fucking do something about our freedom. We want Bitcoin and all the other cryptocoins to be free from all government, free from all institutions and free from all established markets.

Fuck the mainstream. Build a goddamn firewall as high as the moon around cryptocoins so they can be pure, free and outside of the failing establishment markets.

Queen’s Speech Without the Queen

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Alas, Her Majesty the Queen was nowhere to be seen today during the Queen’s speech at parliament. Traditionally, the Queen is usually present at her own speeches, but this time around conducted the speech whilst not being present.

“The Queen’s speech without the Queen’s speech was instead conducted by her son and heir to the throne Prince Charles, therefore he took it upon himself to convey the Queen’s speech in the absence of Her Majesty’s presence,” a footman kindly explained.

Where is the Queen?

According to official circles, Lizzy is rather poorly, and at the astounding age of 96 she can certainly be excused from missing a few speeches here or there.

Prince Charles brought his wonderful wife Camilla along for the ride (snort), along with his son William.

Amongst the pomp and ceremony and tradition of the state opening of parliament there was much shouting, stomping around in pseudo-masonic garb, bell ringing and hitting doors with staffs. In other words, just the usual shit, but without the Queen.

Regarding the content of this year’s speech; just some more empty words and promises that will probably never be fulfilled. Levelling up and more keywords for news presenters to parrot amongst the other sound bite nonsense they babble about constantly.

Luckily, Prince Harry and Meghan along with a vast Netflix camera crew were nowhere near the area as the ceremony took place.

Let us hope we see Her Majesty fit and healthy at the ceremony next year.

How Will the IRA Winning the Election in Northern Ireland Affect the UK?

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There is a certain amount of speculation regarding the political wing of the IRA (Sinn Fein) winning the elections in Northern Island.

Could this mean the break-up of a portion of the United Kingdom, which at the moment is about as ‘united’ as the global factions are today?

Could this mean that Brexit is spectacularly reversed and the UK is forced to rejoin the EU again?

Could this mean something else we all don’t know will happen in the near, not too distant future?

Fuck knows?

Although, one thing is certain in all of this. Brussels is loving every moment of it.

Beergate: Karma is a Bitch For Sir Beer Starmer

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It’s always a great pleasure to watch some arsehole who thinks he claims the moral high ground in any issue eventually cut down to size when it is revealed they are as guilty as their mark. Hypocrisy is nothing new in politics, but to see such a blatant use of it by Labour leader Keir Starmer is quite a rarity.

Whilst kicking down Boris Johnson daily in the House of Commons for the PM’s moment of discrepancy during the Partygate saga, Keir Starmer was as guilty as Boris, and he knew it as he put the boot in demanding a resignation.

The nation was under strict Covid lockdown and here was Keir Starmer, the so-called holder of socialist virtue knee-deep in vindaloo, beer and a drunk Angela Rayner bumping up against crotches with her pert bum.

Wonder what the room smelled of as the Beergate soviet Labourites partied away, all the while the entire nation were locked down in their cold dark lonely rooms watching another re-run of some banal turgid shite on the BBC?

“I can imagine the smell of the room as a person walking in from outside. The first smell that would hit your nasal palate would be a musky tuna smell. Yes, the flaming redhead has just spread her legs slightly in front of the beer swilling crowd of Labour MPs. Then there would be an assault of curry and beer smells assaulting your olfactory senses. One must also not forget all of this would be interspersed with the obnoxious smells of body odour and cheap perfume, making one retch over the balti dishes laid out across the table,” a commentator who thankfully was not invited to the party imagined.

Karma truly is a bitch.

 

Hey, At Least Cancelling Roe v Wade is Good For Black Populations in America

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Look on the bright side Democrats, cancelling the right to have abortions will be a good thing for the African American populations, and will allow them to increase in vast numbers across the nation.

Abortion impacts African Americans at a higher rate than any other population group. In 2011, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released an Abortion Surveillance Report. According to that report, black women make up 14 percent of the childbearing population. Yet, 36 percent of all abortions were obtained by black women. At a ratio of 474 abortions per 1,000 live births, black women have the highest ratio of any group in the country.

It is interesting that the Democrats call Republicans racist, when in fact it seems Republicans love African Americans to such a point that they are willing to stop the black abortions and allow their populations to grow at unprecedented levels.

Here’s to the vast population growth of African Americans (fatherless, of course) in the United States in the future.

Estimated to supersede any other race in America in numbers by the year 2035.

Meghan Markle Needs to Come Back to UK Urgently

Netflix producers and Spotify, along with Oprah Winfrey are urging Meghan Markle and Harry to return to the UK and the royal family so they can collect more shit to spout to Americans for entertainment purposes.

“It’s no use if these conniving shit-spreaders are in Montecito, California. They’ve run out of stuff to say about the royal family that they hate so much. Americans are getting bored of Markle and Harry, and unless they come up with more royal gossip the greedy duo will get dumped by Netflix and Spotify,” a media insider revealed.

Whenever Harry has a conversation with a member of the royal family, immediately afterwards his first port of call is some trashy U.S. TV network where he quotes verbatim his exact conversation with his relative. For example, if Harry had a brief meeting with Prince Charles, and during the meeting Charles said that he had a flock of seagulls fly out of his anus yesterday who went on to perform at a tap dancing gig in Las Vegas wearing stilts. The next day, Harry would be seen on some dodgy American TV news slot repeating the exact words Charles told him.

Apart from taking advantage of the Queen, a 96-year-old woman, Prince Harry needs more material for the Americans to digest. Such is the hunger for royal gossip, the evil grifting couple may have to come back to the place they truly hate — Britain.

“We paid these fuckers $100 million and they came up with nothing. I heard they spent the money already sitting on their asses in their Santa Barbara mansion. They better come up with some more royal shit soon like they did for that Oprah show or we’re gonna sue that Limey prick and his D-list actress wife for every cent they got!” one angry Netflix exec revealed on Friday.

Netflix shares have dropped drastically and are set to lose over 4 million subscribers this year alone. Many people who dumped their subscription cited Markle and Harry, along with Obama infecting the streaming site with their putrid woke preaching.