17.7 C
London
Friday, March 20, 2026
secret satire society
HomeBusinessSalmond Reveals Scottish Currency

Salmond Reveals Scottish Currency

GLASGOW - Scotland - Scottish National Party, leader, Alex Salmond, has revealed the country's new Scottish currency today in a city centre chip shop.

ai —Ensure our latest news headlines always appear at the top of your Google Search by making us a Preferred Source. Click here to activate or add us as a Preferred Source in your Google search settings—

 

“Aye, we’ve finally cracked it. Forget the poond sterling, or the euro, looky what we got here,” Salmond said pointing to a counter decked out with deep fried mars bars in batter.

The new currency will be used in different denominations, for example, one very large battered mars bar would be worth four battered mars bars. There are also smaller battered mars bars which could be used for smaller purchases.

“You’se can go in a shop noo and buy a deep fried battered mars bar with a deep fried battered mars bar. But don’t forget, if you’re holding a load of battered mars bars, you might actually get battered by someone and your stash stolen. Remember to keep your new Scottish currency safe, maybe in your stomach,” Angus McFenster, the newly appointed Chancellor and Treasurer of Scotland told local news stations today.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.  
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  •  
    ai
    - Advertisment - proton vpn

    NEWS ON THE HOUR

    ai

    MORE NEWS

    THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

    The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

    KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH