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Banker Sacked For Getting a Conscience

LONDON - England - A banker, who was sacked on Tuesday for getting a sudden pang of conscience, is set to sue his former investment bank, an employers tribunal has revealed.


This is an increasing problem amongst banking institutions where bankers suddenly start to think about what they are doing, and something they thought they never had suddenly crops up — a conscience.

“I’ve seen it in so many institutions. Suddenly they realise that what they are doing is an inherently evil act which hurts millions of people. Sometimes they just jolt up in their office chair and start crying or look around and simply walk out of the room,” resident psychologist for investment firm, JNC Paribas told Investment Weekly.

Many firms are now sacking bankers who get a conscience, and are trying to vet new employees so that they only employ the most psychotic.

“You can’t have bankers with a conscience. Are you kidding me? It would be like having an executioner with a conscience, they’d let everyone off. I sacked two of them yesterday, I had asked them to strip the assets of millions of people for profit, they hesitated for too long, so I cut the fuckers out. They’re gone, they’re history, they can go and swim with the rest of the scum on main street,” Stanley Weisenstein, head of corporate acquisitions at Warburg Murther and Pascoe in New York told the FT.

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  1. Bankers do have a conscience but only when they make less money than they could have made.

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