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Wednesday, October 17, 2018
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Angry Bank Robbers Come Away Empty Handed After Deutsche Bank Raid

HAMBURG - Germany - Bank robbers hoping for a lucrative robbery were shocked to find nothing at the main branch of Deutsche bank.

Natwest Still Running on Windows 97

LONDON - England - It was business as usual for Natwest customers yesterday as they could not withdraw any cash because of a major computer malfunction.

Tips For UK Savers Dealing With a Negative Banking Base Rate

LONDON - England - The Bank of England is planning a negative base rate of minus 8% so if you put your money in the bank and don't touch it, it will disappear soon enough. Here are some tips for the much bedraggled and beaten down saver to avoid this banking calamity.

Stocks Surge By 0.003% Again

NEW YORK - USA - Stocks were up 0.003% this morning after an incredible rise of 0.002% yesterday and by 2pm they were down slightly by 0.0001%.

U.S. Authorities Take $1.9 Billion Cut From HSBC

NEW YORK - USA - The U.S. Government is taking its cut of $1.9 billion from HSBC who they say profited from crime and money laundering.

ATM Machines to Give Electric Shocks if No Cash in Account

LONDON - England - Banks are fighting back at customers who do not have enough money and from next week, cash machines across the world will introduce small electric shocks to punish people for running out of money in their bank accounts.

Banker Sacked For Getting a Conscience

LONDON - England - A banker, who was sacked on Tuesday for getting a sudden pang of conscience, is set to sue his former investment bank, an employers tribunal has revealed.

Thousands Ringing Banks Asking to Only Pay Back 50% of Debt

LONDON - England - After hearing of Greece's wonderful luck in having 50% of its debt written off by the banks, thousands of ordinary customers have been ringing their banks asking for the same.

Armed Robber Forces Local Bank to Lend

STOKE-ON-TRENT - England - Susan Benson, 34, was so desperate for a bank loan for her new flower business that she took it upon herself to acquire the loan from her local bank who had refused her a loan earlier, by robbing it.

Bank of England to Give Everyone £10,000

LONDON - England - Mervyn King, the Bank of England's chairman, announced today, that he will give everyone in England and Wales £10,000 cash so as to kick start the ailing economy.

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