ATM Machines to Give Electric Shocks if No Cash in Account

LONDON - England - Banks are fighting back at customers who do not have enough money and from next week, cash machines across the world will introduce small electric shocks to punish people for running out of money in their bank accounts.

“If you are overdrawn then you will get a severe-ish shock of approximately 45,000 volts for ten seconds that will cause a few sparks to fly from your fingers, if you have nothing in your account, then it will only be a mild sharp shock that will cause you to jump a little,” Barnard Marlots, of Barclays bank told the Daily Telegraph.

Americans were not as pliant as the Brits with the news and some were outraged yesterday when all major banks and Credit Unions across he country announced the new measures.

“Dang, if the ATM gives me a shock I’ll give it a few rounds of my Uzi 9mm,” an angry American told CNN.

In Britain there has been next to no resistance to the new measures.

“If the people accept to pay huge prices for products that are half the price elsewhere then they willingly accept every indignity put upon them including fuel taxes at 89%, massive personal taxation and other forms of taxation. I don’t think having a few thousand volts running through their bodies is necessarily a bad thing. If you have money, you should not be bothered by it all,” Eve Harriman, a spokeswoman for Natwest banks told the BBC.