Todd Akin Was Legitimately Raped in Disabled Mall Toilet

MISSOURI – USA – A Right Wing Christian Republican Senate nominee, Todd Akin has been brutally and legitimately raped in a Kansas City shopping mall disabled toilet while on a campaigning stop.

“I was legitimately raped in the ass by a big black man called Bubba. My emotions saved me though and I released a hormone so I won’t get AIDS,” Mr Akin said from his hospital bed.

The Senate hopeful will be released from hospital tomorrow and will continue his campaigning for the Republican party.

“If you have a belief in Jesus and you get raped, God releases emotions and hormones that stop bad things happening to you. My belief is the same if women are raped and the body releases a hormone and their emotions stop the sperm. It’s all true because I read it in the bible damn it,” Mr Akin added before rolling his eyes and getting back to his bible study.

Doctors today confirmed that Mr Akin has been legitimately infected with HIV.

  • Deano

    I really hope they catch that Bubba guy because he deserves a goddamn medal..