WASHINGTON DC – USA – An increasingly desperate Barack Obama has ordered twelve witch doctors from Kenya to be flown to the White House, CNN has reported.
“Obama is so desperate that he’s turning to voodoo to get the U.S. economy back on track,” a Treasury employee told CNN.
The White House was tonight being prepared for the arrival of the witch doctors, who will utilise many different techniques and materials for their special rituals.
“Help From the Old Country”
“They been doing this stuff for thousands of years so they know what to do. We’re bringing in some goats and chickens and putting them in the East room. I told ‘em to watch out though and not get any blood on the carpet,” a White House aide said.
According to anthropological experts, the voodoo practitioners will all try to bring the U.S. economy back from the brink of certain destruction, but even if they fail, they will still get paid, much like real economic advisers and so-called experts.
“We’re hoping for the Dow to rise by at least 600 points, depending on how many chickens are sacrificed,” one of the witch doctors revealed just before leaving Nairobi international airport yesterday.
Unfortunately for Mr Obama, this is the last chance he has to make things work after he was caught sleeping on the job whilst a major economic meltdown happened right under his nose.
“Obama is using American taxpayers’ money to fly these guys from Africa to Washington for three days, feed them and pay them. This just beggars belief,” John Bullwark, a senior GOP representative from Texas told Fox news.
President Obama, who was attending his 50th hip hop shizazoe hizzoe bash yesterday, was not available for comment.