Obama Turning to Witch Doctors For Economic Advice

WASHINGTON DC – USA – An increasingly desperate Barack Obama has ordered twelve witch doctors from Kenya to be flown to the White House, CNN has reported.

“Obama is so desperate that he’s turning to voodoo to get the U.S. economy back on track,” a Treasury employee told CNN.

The White House was tonight being prepared for the arrival of the witch doctors, who will utilise many different techniques and materials for their special rituals.

“Help From the Old Country”

“They been doing this stuff for thousands of years so they know what to do. We’re bringing in some goats and chickens and putting them in the East room. I told ‘em to watch out though and not get any blood on the carpet,” a White House aide said.

According to anthropological experts, the voodoo practitioners will all try to bring the U.S. economy back from the brink of certain destruction, but even if they fail, they will still get paid, much like real economic advisers and so-called experts.

“We’re hoping for the Dow to rise by at least 600 points, depending on how many chickens are sacrificed,” one of the witch doctors revealed just before leaving Nairobi international airport yesterday.

Unfortunately for Mr Obama, this is the last chance he has to make things work after he was caught sleeping on the job whilst a major economic meltdown happened right under his nose.

“Obama is using American taxpayers’ money to fly these guys from Africa to Washington for three days, feed them and pay them. This just beggars belief,” John Bullwark, a senior GOP representative from Texas told Fox news.

President Obama, who was attending his 50th hip hop shizazoe hizzoe bash yesterday, was not available for comment.

  • Don Carlin

    Someone needs to impeach this S.O.B! This is disgraceful behavior!

  • Denise T

    You racists people are going to hell with gasoline draws on. Why don't you get on a ship and go back to wherever your stank attitude folks came from. Now how bout that. Why can't everybody just get along and leave color out of it. I'm so sick of racists folks. If I was God I would just kill you all off if you didn't get with God's program.

  • Carlo Fratelli

    Looks like it worked. Dow rose 500 points yesterday and s&p rose nearly 7%

    I might vote for Obama again if this carries on thank you witch doctors……

  • 25th Amendment

    If this is true, Obama can be removed by the Cabinet and the Vice President for "mental incapacity" under the provisions of the 25th Amendment.

  • sick to death of 'em

    This is America not Africa. Why don't u all get in a boat and get shipped back they can line 'em like they did when they came over here as slaves………………………dang right!

  • Jason

    Obama ruined my pension, my shares and my kids college fund. Am I angry? Fuck I am so angry I keep punching holes in my wall I can't sleep I start shouting for no reason I hit people I hit things I drive all crazy and I'm pissed man I'm angry I could beat some pulp man I am sooo angry !

    OBAMO IR NOT GETTING REELECTED IF U DO IT WIL BE WAR

  • JC 34

    Put a black man in charge of an important thing or business and this is what you get one almighty cluster***k . Obongo your a disgrace

  • Ali

    Iranian President used this techniques and he has succeeded they have to import this technology from Iran. LOL

  • Annie

    If they go through with this people shold call peta and get Obama arrested for animal cruilty. it's disgusting and cruel

  • Duchess

    This is absolutely incredible i cant believe he would do this. he's gone nuts?