This is a People’s Republic of Soviet Britain bulletin report informing all Soviet citizens that the unelected Supreme Comrade Burn’em has retired to his dacha in Manchester for a holiday after only two weeks after being shooed into the job.
In this respect, he does not want to be disturbed by any citizens or problems that may arise during his holiday, like, for example, murderers of policemen being released early and other dangerous criminals, rapists and paedophiles. If any citizen makes trouble or starts moaning to their local Stasi officer or is overheard by anyone, including one’s own family members, they will be liquidated and made into Net Zero Juice — that cool refreshing drink, available from all Soviet shops for only 14 Soviet pence per pint.
Comrades, you may be wondering who is in charge of the PRSB during this time. Well, we have Commissar Louise Haigh, who is a convicted fraudster and blatant liar, in charge. She is Comrade Burn’em’s right-hand girl, and you are warned not to leave any valuable objects around her if you ever want to see them again. It’s a good thing that any form of wealth and valuable items are now banned in the PRSB.
PRSB BULLETIN 43928-39384A
BAMBER PENNYFLITCH, 32, OF STALIN AVENUE, GRANTHAM, HAS BEEN AWARDED A BOX OF DEAD FROGS, TWO ROLLS OF QUADRUPLE-USED TOILET PAPER AND A BROKEN HAMMER. ADDITIONALLY, HIS RATIONS FOR TOOTHPASTE WERE INCREASED BY 0.00034 GRAMS FOR THREE WEEKS. HE REPORTED THE ENTIRE MEMBERS OF HIS LOCAL PUB TO STASI OFFICERS FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT COMRADE BURN’EM GOING ON HOLIDAY TO HIS DACHA AFTER ONLY TWO WEEKS ON THE JOB AND LEAVING A CONVICTED FRAUDSTER IN CHARGE OF THE PRSB. ALL 279 PUB-GOERS WERE TAKEN FROM THE PREMISES AND LIQUIDATED INTO NET ZERO JUICE. REMEMBER, COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN AND REPORT.
