Dishonourable Members of Government Want Increase in Taxation to Fund More MPs’ Expenses

"Don't worry Darling, they'll never know about it and even if they do, what can they do? We make the rules. Here have another £160,000."

LONDON – England – The Labour government is calling for an increase in taxation so that MPs’ expenses can be bumped up even further.

Speaking from Westminster, Hazel Blears, Jacqui Smith, John Prescott and unelected leader, Gordon Brown spearheaded the campaign for more taxation to increase funding of assorted expenses.

“Greed is Good”

The MPs made the rules in the first place therefore, it is in their remit to make more rules and laws to line their pockets even further.

“I need more bathplugs and my husband wants more copies of Dirty Stasi Teens to blow his wad over,” said Jacqui Smith MP.

“I go through three toilet seats per week because my arse is so bloody fat. Of course I charged the taxpayer you stupid Southern twats,” said John Prescott MP.

“I want to redecorate my third property in Westminster and not pay Capital Gains Tax like the rest of the country have to,” said Hazel Blears MP.

“I want to pay my brother £6,500 of taxpayers money so that he can go around my second home with a feather duster,” the unelected leader of the Labour party, Gordon Brown, told a parliamentary commission.

The taxes that will rise again, for the sixth time this year, have been earmarked as all taxes in Britain and the increase will be sufficient enough to pay for the

Comrade Brown has ensured that Hazel Blears take the brunt of all criticism

dishonourable members of parliament’s expenses.

“It’s for your own good”

“We want stealth taxes to rise by at least 110%. Fuel tax which makes up 85% of the price of petrol will now rise to 99.9% by next Tuesday and income tax will now be about 165% for all. We, ourselves, will not pay any tax of course, only mugs pay tax. These measures are necessary and I am sure the general public will accept these unconditionally. We have been screwing the British people for a long long time now so they won’t see anything wrong with a little more eh,” Alistair Darling told the Times from his fifth home in Belgravia.

The Daily Squib interviewed people in the streets of London to gauge the response to the new announcements:

“I’m willing to do my duty and fund more MPs’ expenses because I am British and therefore am a downtrodden lemming with no backbone or spine. Although I pay 135% income tax already, I am willing to work harder so that MPs can enjoy a life of luxury and never pay for anything themselves such is my slave-like allegiance to their swelling bank accounts and greed-driven hunger for more filthy taxpayer funded spoils,” John Prole, 45, told the Daily Squib.

Well, don’t worry dishonourable members of parliament, this will all blow over by next week when everyone forgets about it like all the other scandals, because as well know already, it is the right of the governing class to be funded by the slave class.

  • (Not) Noel Edmonds (in the slightest)

    Hello this is Noel,

    Hi Telly addicts,i’d not like to swap shop with Hazel Blears right now, but i can cosmically order a new on location version of Deal or No Deal DIRECT from the House of commons (professional grin)
    All i need is a raised floor for my 2ft legs(an ob with cheggers)~ and i can fit out the commons with premium phone lines for your donations to my hypothetical money boxes and we do the whole thing in PM’s question time.

    EVERY MP gets an Expense potential box but only one wins every day.
    PM Brown told me it could soften up the public to the plight of millionaires front gates,artwork commisions and Duck Housing and interest on non existant mortgages.

    Gordon did say if it goes well i could do the Disco at Christmas for all the swingers

  • J.T

    The Tories have got the rinsing treatment too so its not just labour.

    disgusting thr lot of the them

  • Have some bollocks for a change




  • Neville Proctor

    Who elses member is dishonourable; we all know about Jacqui Smith’s husband’s member – I think you should spill the beans!