LONDON – England – Prime Minister David Cameron today urged Britons to work harder so they can pay more tax to pay the vast £886 million bill for out-of-work EU migrants per annum.
“Next year the bill will rise to over £1.6 billion so I am asking Britons to work harder so the EU migrants can enjoy free housing, tax credits, child benefit, free schools, free NHS and also free holidays for the EU migrants mostly from Romania and Poland. Remember that along with the vast benefits they receive they also send most of the money back to their homelands so it does not stay in Britain. You must therefore work harder and I have asked Georgie boy to raise income taxes so you will take less money home and work longer hours with minimal pensions. Don’t forget to vote to stay ‘In’ the EU, by the way.”
Giougiou Haj, 27, who arrived from Romania praised the PM’s speech.
“Thank you David Cameron. Let the British work harder so I can enjoy myself more. I make £40,000 per annum begging and pickpocketing in Trafalgar Square. I also get £3,500 per week benefits for my imaginary extended family of twenty, and my wife recently got her teeth veneered on the NHS at a cost of £65,000 to the taxpayer. Next year she wants a breast enlargement so she can make more money as a prostitute. My twelve real kids back in Romania are receiving child benefit cheques every week and our Edwardian mansion in Grosvenor Square is funded purely by the British taxpayer. Remember to vote to stay ‘In’ the EU you stupid muppets, we’re taking you for a ride. Work harder, so I can enjoy a life of luxury off your sweat and tears you filthy mugs. Ha, ha, ha, hah!”
Chancellor George Osborne, will unveil income tax rises, pension raids and cuts in essential services next week.