"Happy Christmas you fucking wankers"
NEWCASTLE – England – Ex-football star, Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, has embarked on an epic journey to the holy land to broker a Middle East peace deal in Gaza.
Move over Tony Blair, you’ve got some serious competition as peace envoy to the Middle East because Gazza’s off to Gaza and this time he’s got a bag full of Red Bull, some pills, Vodka, Gin and shitload of ‘Newkie Broon Ale’.
Gazza’s Gaza Strip
“Gazza’s going to Gaza and he’s going to settle the stupid disputes between the Israelis and the Pallies once and for all with a good piss up, maybe a chunder here or there, who knows?” Gazza’s best friend, Jimmy twelve bellies told Reuters from the Easyjet flight travelling to Gaza.
Gazza is renowned for bringing peace and happiness wherever he goes, therefore, it was only natural that he would be called up by Gordon Brown himself to go down to Gaza and create some much needed harmony.
“Gordon Brown phoned Gazza up on Tuesday last week and told him he was being appointed as British peace envoy immediately. Apparently, Gordon was sold on the idea when a government spin doctor suggested the name ‘Gazza Goes to Gaza’. From then on it was all go, plus a good distraction for the underfire PM who is not having a very good time of it lately,” a Whitehall source informed the Daily Squib.
‘Gazza Goes to Gaza’ T-shirts have already been printed and distributed throughout the war torn devastated region.
Gazza landed in the Gaza strip on Friday and was greeted by an old man and a goat at the main airport which is a pile of rubble and a landing strip.
“I don’t think the initial meeting went down very well actually. Gazza turned up pissed out of his skull as usual, wearing a pair of fake tits and a rabbi costume whilst conducting an animated conversation with an imaginary parrot. The Palestinians just shrugged their shoulders and continued sifting through the rubble,” Gazza’s best mate, Jimmy twelve bellies said.