Police Warn About ‘Jenkem’ the New Legal High

Police warn about 'Jenkem' the new legal high

LONDON – England – Just hours after the ban on ‘miaow miaow’ mephedrone came into force, officers are on the alert for yet another party drug called ‘Jenkem’ which is now taking the UK by storm.

 

Special Drugs Report

Police have been put on alert for another dangerous “party drug”, just hours after the ban on mephedrone came into force. Officers from around the country have flashed warnings about the rise of a legal high known as “Jenkem” in recent months, as a series of deaths connected to mephedrone brought the synthetic stimulant to national attention.

Users report that Jenkem, also dubbed “butt hash”, provokes effects including euphoria and increased brain activity similar to the Class A drug ecstasy. The UK’s biggest online “Jenk shop”, selling Jenkem paraphernalia, Jenkem containers and faeces cultivation equipment, reported it had sold out of Jenkem, which sells for £40 a bottle.

The content of the highly hallucinogenic drug is controversial because it is made from human fecal matter and urine, which is left to ferment in a container with a balloon over the opening to collect the hydrogen sulfide gas that is released. Thousands of teens across Britain are said to be huffing the highly addictive gas to get high – and even some police and government experts admit they have come close to addiction after trying it.

“Poo Bong”

“You ain’t lived until you huffed some Jenkem. That shit is the shit, and when I sniff it, I go places that no other drug can go. It’s like some kind of spaceship lands in front of me and takes me up to the stars where we party in a huge ballroom with multi-coloured aliens on acid, then I might ask the space creatures if they can fly me around the galaxy for a few years. When I wake up after my Jenkem hit, I realise that only 3 minutes passed but it felt like twenty years, innit?” Billy Batts, 18, a serial Jenkem abuser from Manchester told us.

 
People high on Jenkem can be left with permanent damage to their eyes as well as severe brain damage.

The Daily Squib has established that legal experts regard Jenkem as a killer drug but are powerless to ban this new drug because it is a natural product from peoples anuses.

“We can’t stop people shitting. What are we going to do, plug their arses? I guess Jenkem is here to stay, and we will just have to watch the youth go under with the putrid brown haze of Jenkem,” a drug counsellor in Bradford said about the problem.

“Filthy nose haze”

An adviser from the Frank drugs helpline last night admitted they had no official information on Jenkem. “We are not fully aware of the full risks because there has been no research into it. There is, however, a large risk of sudden death from the shit haze that comes from the fermented poop and urine,” she said.

Some sources say that Jenkem was first introduced into Britain from Africa in the mid 90’s but soon went underground. The drug has only recently surfaced after many years in gestation and much like the fecal matter soup, has fermented into a problem that is now gripping the UK with a terrible drug hell stench.