“You may hear us coming down your road ringin’ a bell. Bring out your dead or dying, we take them straight to the mass graves in each town. Doesn’t matter if some of the poor blighters are still barely alive, leave ’em with us and they’ll soon be stiff as a board,” Clive Jagger, one of the organisers of his local parish horse and cart ambulance service revealed to local newspaper reporters in Grimsby.
With NHS ambulance and nurses on strike, the horse and cart death ambulance business is booming.
“We get a few quid for each corpse, dead or alive. It’s cheaper than submitting to astronomical union demands by NHS workers, innit. Also, if they’re barely alive, could be a fresh liver or pair of kidneys in it to sell off,” Jagger added.
Nora Parsnip, 74, from Blackheath, London got rid of her husband on Tuesday morning when a death cart ambulance came through her street.
“The cart was loaded up already so did not think my Malcolm would fit on. Poor sod was moaning in agony, he slipped on some ice and broke his hip. The nice gentlemen came to our door and picked him up. They checked his teeth and all and asked if he was a smoker or alcoholic. I said no, and they quickly stuffed him on the cart still alive.”
Let’s hope cemetery staff do not go on strike as well.