17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 11, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldJoe Biden Says He is "Glad to Visit Croatia"

Joe Biden Says He is “Glad to Visit Croatia”

NEWQUAY - England - Joe Biden, arrived in Britain on Wednesday but insisted he was visiting Croatia.

Joe Biden and his live-in nurse, Jill Biden arrived in Newquay, Cornwall, Wednesday evening in anticipation of the G-7 summit, which starts Friday.

Before falling down the stairs when he arrived in his plane, the senile old fuck commented that he was “glad to be back in Croatia, and I am looking forward to visiting Transylvania. I heard that Dracula sure likes to count. Ah, ah, ah, ah!”

Biden kicked off his United Kingdom visit earlier Wednesday with remarks to U.S. troops stationed at Royal Air Force Mildenhall, an air force station in Suffolk.

“C’mon man, gimme a break,” said Biden, after a serviceman asked him if he really won the election. “I am so happy to be here at this RFA base. The Royal Force Air, they fly the Queen of Croatia around? Is that right? Anyways, jooba, bigga, bludder, moo, moo!”

Biden spoke of his agenda at the G-7, NATO and European Union summits in the days ahead, as well as his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin next week.

“I’m gonna tell that Russian sumbitch that I need a hog burger triple fries and a ride round a fairy store in Reno,” Biden said. ”Jibba jibba, Clark Kent, the Russians, soup kitchens, a marionette goo goo doll, pass the catsup and the goddamn borscht I gots my finger on the red button, I gots my thumbs on the red button, boom, everybody dead radiated. We will even have dead cats, dead rats. Mojo Risin. No, I said to Hunter, I said 50% from now on. I needs a new mansion, four or five more, I cheated in the election! Ha ha! You can’t get me! It’s too-oo-oo late (taunting).”

Joe Biden then got into a foetal position and started sucking his thumb whilst crying out for his mama.

“Mama, I done wrong. I cheated 80 million people out of their vote and disgraced the constitution of the United States of America,” Biden bawled uncontrollably, explaining that even though he is doing the motions he feels extreme guilt for his crimes, “I done wrong please Lucifer forgive me! It wasn’t me, it was someone else that did it, I ain’t guilty of High Treason, no! It was not my fault, they made me do it, the voices told me to do it all.”

Special Relationship

Biden later on met British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, but had to be held back by his aides as he tried to punch and wrestle the British PM to the ground.

“I don’t like him, he’s just like Trump. I support the IAR, and want Croatia to be free from British forces, I mean I want Croatia to stop occupying Ireland. C’mon man! Let me get this straight I want the country of Europe to invade Mexico, and free Ireland!”

Biden is scheduled to meet HRH The Queen at Buckingham Palace on Saturday.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!