17.7 C
London
Saturday, January 18, 2025
secret satire society
HomeWorldShamed Kristen Stewart Has Joined Nunnery on Isle of Skye

Shamed Kristen Stewart Has Joined Nunnery on Isle of Skye

PORTREE - Isle of Skye - Shamed Hollywood Twilight starlet, Kristen Stewart joined the nunnery of 34 nuns yesterday and will stay there for as long as she is part of the sisterhood, her former agent has revealed.

ai

“Kristen is so ashamed of herself that she may take many years of silent prayer to atone for her myriad of sins. She is so terribly ashamed that she has shaved her hair completely and has not uttered a single word since her break up with her former Twilight co-star and lover R-Patz,” her agent disclosed from Beverly Hills.

The Sister’s Sanctum nunnery is situated 12 miles from Portree near Trotternish.

The nuns who live and work at the convent do not care that Kristen used to be a Hollywood star and have welcomed her with open arms.

“She will pray in the morning, then we take food, eating in total silence. Daily chores are given to each sister, then more prayer. We also grow all of our own food and once a week we go to town to help the people any way we can,” Sister Mary told the BBC.

Twilight fans worldwide accepted her fate and are said to be warming to her once more after the major trauma of the last month or so.

  Help Support Independent Publishers

  PLEASE SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice and coffee.
ds-indy-free-banner

1 COMMENT

  1. I feel so sorry for you Kristen please god cant we all forgive her she is only young. I loved you both so much and looked up to you two. Please come back I will wait for you in a few years.

    Love you always Sandra Dearborne

    XXX~~~~XXX~X)))00XX

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!