The manned mission will be named “Chav-One” and in just over eight years, fourteen chav astronauts will emigrate to the red planet, soon to be joined by thousands more every year after.
“By 2021 there will be over sixty chavs living and flourishing on Mars, their new home,” Chav-One’s mission commander Bill Brundle told the BBC.
Asbonauts
The Chav-One mars mission will ensure that a Council Estate colony is established within the Schiaparelli crater. There will be a Benefits office pod, a recreation pod and even a place where chavs can riot or steal stuff at their leisure. The chavs will also be able to grow their skunk weed in special growing pods and do donuts in a special Tesco car park pod.
Councils across the UK can’t wait to offload their chavs onto the new Mars space program.
As a mission councillor, Dolores Triblewaite insists that the project “seems to be the only way to get rid of all the f*cking chavs in the United Kingdom.”
These soon-to-be Martians will be rounded up and put into holding cells situated on prison ships offshore until they are blasted into space.
However, there is a drawback: when you emigrate to Mars under this mission’s custodianship it is strictly on a one-way ticket.
“Yes, it’s true. I’m afraid it is a one way trip for these chavs. When they go to Mars, there is no way back. I know this may sadden a lot of people but there it is,” Ms Triblewaite added.
