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Baby Lilibet Given First Pole Dancing Set by Meghan

CALIFORNIA - USA - In a final insult to HRH the Queen, Meghan and Harry have named their daughter Lilibet, and lined her up for pole dancing.

White Dee Takes Jade Goody’s Place

BIRMINGHAM - England - White Dee has had her benefits stopped. Be prepared for a media onslaught for the next twenty years.

Britain Could Send First Chavs to Mars By 2021

LONDON - England - The British government have taken on the interplanetary challenge of colonising Mars with chavs by the year 2021, Council sources have disclosed.

Boy Considered School Outcast for Not Stabbing Enough

MANCHESTER - England - Twelve year old schoolboy, Kev Peters is today in hiding all because he has not been involved in enough stabbings like the other boys in his school.

Jade Goody Tries to Eat Nightclub Reveller Alive

ESSEX - England - Ex-Big Brother contestant, Jade Goody, tried to eat an Essex nightclub reveller while the woman was still alive it is claimed.

Rottweiler Attacks Down for December

SCUNTHORPE - England - Statistics for the month of December suggest an easing off of Rottweiler attacks on the Chav populations in England and Wales.

15 Yr Old Boy Awarded ASBO For AK-47 Shooting Skills

MANCHESTER - England - Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today awarded a fifteen year old boy an ASBO in recognition for his shooting skills on the public rail system.

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