Condolences today flooded into Frogmore Cottage with commiserations addressed to Prince Harry after it had been revealed that Meghan Markle is totting up the cost of the royal marriage and charging by the hour before her planned exit.

The Duchess of Sussex, a low-born import into the royal family, has been ‘cruelly’ dubbed the ‘degree princess’ by a senior royal, and staff members in the royal circle call her ‘Megain’ as well as ‘the Gibsmedat Duchess’. Nevertheless, even though Prince Harry was duly warned before marrying the seasoned twice divorced actress, who has already birthed other children, hopefully one day Harry may realise how he has been duped, however this may take some time because of his low IQ.

It is not known how much the Degree Duchess is charging by the hour but sources say that she can’t wait till graduation day when she can cash in.

“It’s absolutely intolerable for her, but she may stick it out for another child, this way Harry will be truly locked in. It is then that she can make even more unreasonable demands. Eventually leading to a welcome split. She will probably start demanding to take the kids to America permanently, and will no doubt be paid off handsomely because the children will have some royal blood. Her plan is working very well and her false smiles fool many people, it seems including the ailing prince, who unfortunately is brainless,” Jacosta Mannering, a former friend of Harry’s revealed.

Psychologist Nancy Felton, reveals further analytical details: “Meghan is a narcissist with calculating prowess. This acting job has been the hardest role she has ever played, but for her hard work, it will pay off. Like most narcissists, the only person she cares about is herself, and she is playing Harry like a deck of cards. Unfortunately, Prince Harry cannot see it, but everyone else can.”

Some Oxford university mathematics undergraduates were asked: “How much is Meghan Markle charging by the hour?” The mathematicians came out with hourly rates ranging from £4,000 per hour to one even going as far as to claim £35,000 per hour.

The future does not bode well for the British taxpayer it seems.