Gove illegal drug use cocaine

Trying to imagine the already supersonic speaking Michael Gove blabbering on after sniffing five lines of premium grade Columbian cocaine at a dinner party does bring an element of comedy to the pathetic Conservative party leadership contest. One can imagine him snorting every few seconds as he talks endlessly about some boring policy that no one cares about whilst dribbling spittle from his deranged lips and his bloodshot eyeballs darting all over the shop.

What about the thoroughly inbred looking goblin remainer, Rory Stewart on opium? This grotesque pustule of an MP is chasing the dragon in some West London opium den replete with Chinese decor and lies there staring into space thinking about becoming PM one day. He takes another hit of his opium pipe and begins aspirations of landing on the moon.

As for Andrea Leadsom, who resembles someone’s fucking auntie, one can’t really imagine her in some grotty South London flat firing up a Camberwell Carrot? The Rastas assembled around her nodding in approval as she inhales a motherload of ganja into her Tory lungs.

Granted, the Old Etonions will have dabbled in the white stuff, because that’s what they do in Eton amongst other things like buggery, but the rest of the Tory candidates are an anomaly.

What is behind this strange confessional? Do we really want to know these lurid details about these Conservative MPs? Furthermore, who is to say that they are not on drugs now, like today? The speed that Michael Gove speaks is a clue that he does still partake in the odd snifter in the Number 10 bogs during Cabinet meetings.

For PR purposes, the guess is these drug confessions are an attempt to look more human to voters, however, in most cases, this ploy seems to have backfired. There are now murmurs from U.S. customs that over half of the Tory leadership will not be allowed into America after their lurid drug confessions.

The other point is of course, hypocrisy, these fuckers will no doubt get away with their admissions of illegal drug use, whereas anyone else would be summarily locked up or fired from their jobs if they came clean.

There must now be a full enquiry into the extent of drug abuse by Tory MPs, because it is suspected that many are coked up crack heads who need to be put in jail.

Was Theresa May on cocaine or meth? It is all too evident from her deranged actions towards the end of her awful reign that she was definitely on something, prescribed or not.

Help us fight for freedom — you get unique goodies too…