Just as you thought it was all over for Murdoch and his tawdry newspapers with the demise of the News of the World, he comes out with another gem of an idea.
“I was sitting in my jacuzzi while Wendi was under the water cleaning my ahem, when I got an amazing idea. Ding! How about calling my newspaper on Sunday, the Sun on Sunday? I’m such a genius,” Mr Murdoch said from his private jet en route from Tel Aviv to London yesterday.
The new Sun on Sunday will replace the defunct News of the World in more ways than one with completely new staff, offices and even policy.
Chief superintendent editor of the new Sun on Sunday, Ronson Beats, said: “Hello, hello, hello. I have been summarily authorised by said proprietor chief suspect, Sir Rupert Murdoch to assemble a mob of paid off blues and twos to assist in the running of said offices in Wapping for the procurement of news stories about celebrities. Instead of being paid with brown envelopes stuffed full of cash, the new chief has said that our Sun on Sunday officers should thus be authorised to the full extent of journalism to be paid in a legitimate legal manner befitting our positions in society as members of the press service.”
DC Plodder, sub editor of the Sun on Sunday, added: “You may have wondered why there has not been much news as of late from all the Murdoch newspapers since they were rumbled for hacking celebrity phones and paying off policemen. Well, naturally they could not write stories anymore because all the hackers had been taken down, but this will all change from now on as the paid off police force will actually be the ones writing all the juicy goss and dishing the dirt because we’ve got all the listening devices known to man in our police station, ahem, I mean Sun on Sunday.”