Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II has finally stepped in to solve the current malaise over Brexit caused by the treachery and incompetence of the prime minister, Theresa May.

Theresa May was taken from Number 10 Downing Street in the early hours of Wednesday morning and transported in an unmarked van to the Tower of London passing through Traitor’s Gate on a barge.

The former PM was then imprisoned in the tower until dawn where she was led out on to Tower Green and read her last rights before being beheaded by axe.

The private execution took place without much fanfare according to a witness.

“They read out the charges of treason to Mrs May, but she looked ahead with a blank stare. Then a priest came onto the platform and read her the last rights. There were no long robotic last speeches, just May shouting out ‘Long live the EU!’ before she put her head on the log. May has a long scrawny neck so the executioner, a burly man holding the largest axe I have ever seen, marked an x on the spot where he was to do the chopping. He used a big red marker pen. Lifting up his arms and the axe, he did not hesitate in bringing it down with considerable velocity and whoomp, her head rolled into the basket. I noticed a large spray of blood shooting across the floor, and the reverend slipping on it falling on his face. I had to muffle my laughter.”

Her Majesty the queen, in her capacity as an integral legislative power of parliament will now appoint a Brexiteer prime minister to replace the treacherous Theresa May.

Theresa May’s decapitated head is now being displayed on Tower Hill for tourists to marvel at and as a warning to other treasonous swine, before being moved back to Traitor’s Gate where the crows and buzzards will attend.

Tourist information: The head of traitor Theresa May will be displayed at Tower Hill until Friday evening. Viewing the head on a spike will be free, but there is strictly no touching. The head will be guarded by an armed Beefeater, and in no circumstances should anyone try to take souvenirs, or try to take the head off the spike to play football. On Friday, at 8 pm, the head will be moved back to Traitor’s Gate where it will be left to rot.