Greeks Told to Speak German From Now On

ATHENS - Lower Germany - The former Greek people have been told by Dusseldorf EU officials that they will have to speak German from now on and adopt the ways of their Bavarian masters.

It’s out with the manic Greek hand waving and kebabs and in with the umlaut and schnitzels.

“The Greeks need to be more efficient. There will be no more finishing work at 2.30 pm and going to the cafe. You will actually have to work and pay tax. You will retire at 65 and not 45 as is the custom with your heavily subsidised jobs. Also, there will have to be pay cuts and no more of these EU subsidised salaries of 65,000 euros per year for cleaners who only work four hours a day, two days a week,” Hans Reichstag, told Bild magazine.

The Greek people will have to be more Germanic in their outlook and adopt the German language in all schools, books and road signs.

“We have to integrate the Greeks to serve us when we come to their beaches for holidays. By not speaking German, people and businesses can get an immediate EU fine of 3000 euros. The fines alone would be a serious deterrent to speaking Greek,” another EU official said.

On Thursday this week EU directive C123/65 will come into force and the Greek language will be outlawed.

“We already have the Greeks speaking German, and we will integrate the whole of Europe to speak one language. This way, we will all be truly integrated as one EU entity,” Fritzel Scheissedurgen, a senior EU official said on Sunday night.