17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldAssad: "I Can Still Make Barrel Bombs From Chlorine - a Very...

Assad: “I Can Still Make Barrel Bombs From Chlorine – a Very Common Chemical”

DAMASCUS - Syria - With the hysterical mainstream media headlines calling out World War 3 after the allied bombings of alleged Syrian chemical factories , the reaction by the Russians and President Assad is muted.

President Assad, otherwise known as the Butcher of Syria, who has no qualms in gassing his own people, was defiant after the pretty much useless bombing of some factories that were not in use, by the Allied forces of Britain, France and the United States.

“Chlorine is a very common chemical that anyone can get or make in large quantities. When we make barrel bombs to drop on civilians from our helicopters that is all we use. Therefore, what have the Allies done? Nothing much really, apart from bomb a few factories which we can rebuild anywhere else.”

The defiant stance by Assad is in stark contrast to Donald Trump, who has already declared victory with the seminal words seen once before “Mission Accomplished” uttered by the now retired failure, George W Bush.

Apart from riling the already angry Russians, this bombing fiasco is not so much an answer to the recent gassing by whoever did it, but more of a cursory reconnaissance mission in Russian capabilities of revenge.

“Ideally, the Russians will react to the bombing. This is what the Americans and allies want to see. They want to see what sort of vengeful reaction the Russians will have. This bombing was ultimately not about Assad and his use of chemical weapons on civilians, but on how Vladimir Putin reacts. Most probably, the Russians will not take direct action but will take their vengeance the quiet silent way, i.e. a major hacking cyber attack, or maybe they will do other clandestine operations to destabilise the West. You see, the Russians prefer stealth to direct obtuse action. Overt reactions are too obvious,” a former agency analyst revealed on Monday.

The only way to win the war in Syria is for the Allies to invade fully with boots on the ground. Naturally, this will never happen, simply because of Russian bases present in the country.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!