EU Orders Greece Name Change

BRUSSELS - Belgium - The head of the EU's Central Bank, Jean-Claude Trichet, has ordered that Greece forfeits their name as well as their sovereign status.

“From now on the former country of Greece will only be known as Sector 17,” Trichet explained to the EU parliament on Wednesday.

As well as losing its sovereign status, the former nation of Greece will also be owned by Germany (Sector 1) and will be used as a glorified holiday camp for its citizens.

“We use that place to go to when we need some sun and sea. It’s a pretty useless place otherwise,” Gunther Mathias, a German holidaymaker told the Berlin Times.

The unfortunate purchase by Germany (Sector 1) was the result of Sector 17 defaulting on its huge loans whilst juggling a 500 billion euro deficit. It now has a credit rating below Montenegro.

“We gave them the money. They didn’t pay. We own their country now. It’s really that simple,” an EU official told French (Sector 2) newspaper, Le Figaro, yesterday.

And what of the poor old former Greeks, who have effectively been emasculated?

“When the Germans come, we provide them with fresh towels, mezze and ouzo. If we do that, our masters look after us. We are their pets. It is lucky that they let us live,” Stavros Constantinos, a restaurant owner from Rhodes told the island’s local news station.