Is the Oil Still Safe?

BENGHAZI - Libya - Western leaders were in panic mode last night after news filtered through that one of the countries oil refineries had been torched by rebels.

“We fear for the oil. What if it gets torched? That beautiful black gold will be no more. This is why we’re prepared for military action right fuckin’ now,” the British PM David Cameron’s energy spokesman, Giles Fitzroy disclosed to the Daily Telegraph.

It’s not just the Brits who are smarting at the possible loss of oil, so are the Americans.

When Gaddafi starts torching his oil fields, then people are really going to wake up.

Barack Obama said on Sunday evening: “If we don’t invade those Libyans soon how the hell am I gonna take all those expensive Air Force One day trips for no particular reason? Oh my god, I gotta have my Air Force One trips, Michelle needs ’em too!”

Rescue Mission

There was no oil in Egypt or Tunisia so they were not up for military intervention, but Libya is a different matter.

“We’re prepared to defend the oil reserves that belong to us in that country. Maybe they have WMD? Gaddafi could launch an attack on the West in forty five minutes if we don’t attack soon, like right now. Send in the goddamn SAS, Marines, Seals and Halliburton!” John Schecter, a Pentagon official disclosed.

The US has already mobilised three navy destroyers off the Libyan coast, and even Britain, who doesn’t have much of a navy left after massive budget cuts, have deployed a small frigate with a few guns on it.